It was yesterday, Friday. So my daughter and I were running late, and I had to stop to get gas. I go to the gas station anticipating it not taking long to pay for my gas, but boy was I wrong. Nine people in front of me played the lotto. I was already aggravated, when the last old man who had to play the lotto looked at me with a look on his face that said “Girl, I wish I could let you go in front of me, but I gotta play my numbers”, but then he asked the cashier if he could have “Foe” quarters. OMG! I wanted to scream “It’s four quarters, not foe”. Of course he was one of “us”, and of course the cashier was not. I almost could read her mind; she was thinking the same thing I was.
So I ask myself why? I probably know why he said “foe” instead of “four”, because he was old, and I guess maybe didn’t know any better. It is socially acceptable amongst our selves to use African American vernacular, but damn it people I wish we could keep it between us. Why do we have to let them in on language, when after all they don’t understand, and think less of us when we do?
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
When I’m away from my daughter
I’m on that chase for the all mighty dollar
Not out there hanging out
Even though at night I sometimes work at a party
How is that neglecting her?
When I’m putting food on her table
Plus I’m trying to go to school
How is that possibly not good?
And when I wasn’t working
You wanted me to
Now that I am
You’re still not happy
And I’m confused
So the daughter we created
When there was love that wasn’t hated
Will be just fine
Because one day
Mommy won’t have to work as hard
I’m on that chase for the all mighty dollar
Not out there hanging out
Even though at night I sometimes work at a party
How is that neglecting her?
When I’m putting food on her table
Plus I’m trying to go to school
How is that possibly not good?
And when I wasn’t working
You wanted me to
Now that I am
You’re still not happy
And I’m confused
So the daughter we created
When there was love that wasn’t hated
Will be just fine
Because one day
Mommy won’t have to work as hard
NIte Nite Blog Boo
I'm about to go to bed..
Happy
Because today
I got an A
On a quiz
In Biology
It was a nice day
and all my students
Behaved
And now I know
He never loved me
Anyway
And if he did
It's sickly
and I don't want to touch him
Cuz he's got a disease..
Maybe there's a cure for it
It's something he needs
He's tried to infect me
but i got meds
and now i can go to bed
with a clear head
because writing is my therapy
this isn't written in my books
just me typing
not giving my words a second look
Happy
Because today
I got an A
On a quiz
In Biology
It was a nice day
and all my students
Behaved
And now I know
He never loved me
Anyway
And if he did
It's sickly
and I don't want to touch him
Cuz he's got a disease..
Maybe there's a cure for it
It's something he needs
He's tried to infect me
but i got meds
and now i can go to bed
with a clear head
because writing is my therapy
this isn't written in my books
just me typing
not giving my words a second look
I just type..written tonight
I should have taken the other road
The one that stayed on the path with him
Because with you..
I know your plan
You sought me out
To make my world dim
You saw me as young
You saw a big ass sign
On my forehead that said
DUMB
Haha
Jokes one you
Because I may not
Be able to answer an equation
But I'm way smarter than you
The thing is..
I should have listened to myself
And stayed w/ dude
Because you saw me as exactly that
a whore who could make a pretty baby
combined from that thick shit
that comes from ur nut sack
And he would never talk to me
like you do
you are a batterer
You like to abuse
I fight back
It’s what I’m used to
you got exactly what you wanted
how you like that
I got the worst end of the deal
my nightmares are coming true
I look at my problems in the mirror
every day
i'm sure you never look at yours
how can you live that way
You always point the finger
When you're holding the trigger
I’m always wrong
The bad guy
Who is a girl
Just like your wife was
Why didn’t I see the signs
There is always two side to every story
I don’t know why I didn’t get hers
She’s doing good now
With a man of her own
She couldn’t be that bad
If he’s sticking around so long
I’ve never had a man treat me this way
And if I gotta move all my shit out tomorrow
Like them bitches in the life time movies
Every thing will work out
And I’ll be okay
Because if your going to try to kick my ass
Now with words
Welcome to my world
Cuz lil buddy I got you beat
Feel the fire
I got that heat
And what’s so bad
Is that I still love you
No man has touched me
And I don’t know if I want one to
Because if they act all crazy
And flip out over pussy like you do
He can stay where he’s at
Cuz you’ve tainted me dude
You have some physical scars
Why don’t you take a pic and post em
Show the world what ya baby momma
Did when you pushed her
I have bruises that will last deep
You were my first love
I was only 19
I should have listened to my enemies
Who hated
That’s probably the only time they were right
I ain’t have no business w/ somebody
That multiplies my age
Lord love is a hard thing
But what Don say
Sometimes you gotta let go…
And let it be..
Call me….Because we need to talk
Ohhh..somebody bet me some money..
That he won’t call..
Or I’ll call and he won’t pick up the phone..
Childish..
The one that stayed on the path with him
Because with you..
I know your plan
You sought me out
To make my world dim
You saw me as young
You saw a big ass sign
On my forehead that said
DUMB
Haha
Jokes one you
Because I may not
Be able to answer an equation
But I'm way smarter than you
The thing is..
I should have listened to myself
And stayed w/ dude
Because you saw me as exactly that
a whore who could make a pretty baby
combined from that thick shit
that comes from ur nut sack
And he would never talk to me
like you do
you are a batterer
You like to abuse
I fight back
It’s what I’m used to
you got exactly what you wanted
how you like that
I got the worst end of the deal
my nightmares are coming true
I look at my problems in the mirror
every day
i'm sure you never look at yours
how can you live that way
You always point the finger
When you're holding the trigger
I’m always wrong
The bad guy
Who is a girl
Just like your wife was
Why didn’t I see the signs
There is always two side to every story
I don’t know why I didn’t get hers
She’s doing good now
With a man of her own
She couldn’t be that bad
If he’s sticking around so long
I’ve never had a man treat me this way
And if I gotta move all my shit out tomorrow
Like them bitches in the life time movies
Every thing will work out
And I’ll be okay
Because if your going to try to kick my ass
Now with words
Welcome to my world
Cuz lil buddy I got you beat
Feel the fire
I got that heat
And what’s so bad
Is that I still love you
No man has touched me
And I don’t know if I want one to
Because if they act all crazy
And flip out over pussy like you do
He can stay where he’s at
Cuz you’ve tainted me dude
You have some physical scars
Why don’t you take a pic and post em
Show the world what ya baby momma
Did when you pushed her
I have bruises that will last deep
You were my first love
I was only 19
I should have listened to my enemies
Who hated
That’s probably the only time they were right
I ain’t have no business w/ somebody
That multiplies my age
Lord love is a hard thing
But what Don say
Sometimes you gotta let go…
And let it be..
Call me….Because we need to talk
Ohhh..somebody bet me some money..
That he won’t call..
Or I’ll call and he won’t pick up the phone..
Childish..
The other side of HIS-Story
Have you ever heard of a thing called a daddies girl? I was in between. I remember crying and yelling at my mom ( you can ask her) “ I WANT MY DADDY”. So my daughter does the same thing. And All-mi-t that’s exactly how you wanted it, talking about it breaks your heart. I remember when we got together and you were telling me about how your son used to cry when he had to go with his momma. You talked about her just like you do me like a dawg. And I told you that you would. It makes you feel good to bash other people instead of looking at yourself in the mirror. Something like a bully at school don’t you think? It makes you proud that your children wanted to be with you so much. I think stemming from the fact that your mother wasn’t around when you were a baby, and your dad never even gave you a chance to this day. And you act like she was crying because she really didn’t want to be with me. She was crying because she wanted to play w/ your room mates daughter. I’ll admit you are fun..kid like.
And you want to know what breaks my heart? When she tells the whole world ya’ll. The.Baby sitter, Baby sitters nephew, Baby sitters boyfriend, lady at the grocery store that her daddy hit her. She looks so pitiful. I cried when she first told me..and then kept saying it because I don’t hit my baby. I don’t cuss at my baby. And my mother used to beat the hell out of me..Not just whoopings..Whole different subject..But anyway so what she cussed, so what she spit..Children do that. My mom washed my mouth out with soap when I was maybe 3 because I spit at her Godmothers house Ella.
And since you wanna talk about people saying things..What about all those text messages that I saved..that say “I’m cutting off your insurance”. “I should just repossess “the car you bought me for my birthday” (PPL I had my own car..It was a piece of shit Sunfire, but it was mine…All-mi-t made me trade it)”. “I am filing for custody Monday, my lawyers will be in contact.” “You are a hoe” (When he talked to me first, and knew everything that went on”) "That's MY CAR" WTF? Wow what a control freak.. That is some manic shit. You be shakin and shit. Do you not remember saying stuff like that?
So…Now Blogger.Com since you are on here bashing me…There’s always two sides to every story..and I have it right here!
And you want to know what breaks my heart? When she tells the whole world ya’ll. The.Baby sitter, Baby sitters nephew, Baby sitters boyfriend, lady at the grocery store that her daddy hit her. She looks so pitiful. I cried when she first told me..and then kept saying it because I don’t hit my baby. I don’t cuss at my baby. And my mother used to beat the hell out of me..Not just whoopings..Whole different subject..But anyway so what she cussed, so what she spit..Children do that. My mom washed my mouth out with soap when I was maybe 3 because I spit at her Godmothers house Ella.
And since you wanna talk about people saying things..What about all those text messages that I saved..that say “I’m cutting off your insurance”. “I should just repossess “the car you bought me for my birthday” (PPL I had my own car..It was a piece of shit Sunfire, but it was mine…All-mi-t made me trade it)”. “I am filing for custody Monday, my lawyers will be in contact.” “You are a hoe” (When he talked to me first, and knew everything that went on”) "That's MY CAR" WTF? Wow what a control freak.. That is some manic shit. You be shakin and shit. Do you not remember saying stuff like that?
So…Now Blogger.Com since you are on here bashing me…There’s always two sides to every story..and I have it right here!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Crazy Creative
Okay folks…how many of you writers/artist out there have heard that really “artistic” “creative” people are really somewhat insane?
“Many famous people are believed to have been affected by bipolar disorder (formerly known as manic depression), based on evidence in their own writings and contemporaneous accounts by those who knew them. It is often suggested that genius (or, at least, creative talent) and mental disorder are linked, as discussed by Kay Redfield Jamison in Touched with Fire, though many of the diagnoses in that book are made by Jamison herself.” Wikipedia.com
Think about all of the people who have written beautiful literary works, or beautiful music, or played sports extremely *ect*… Well that were mentally ill….
This is a list of people who had/have Bipolar…Silvia Plath, Edgar Allen Poe, Jim Carrey, Winston Churchill, Kurt Cobain, Patty Duke, Beethoven, Charles Baudelaire, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald, Carrie Fisher, William Falkner LOL “A Rose For Emily”.. Macy Gray, Alexander Hamilton, Ernest Hemmingway, Jennifer Lewis, Issac Newton, Florence Nightingale, Sinead O’Connor, Ozzy Osborne, Cheri Oteri, Jane Pauley, Axl Rose, Nina Simone, Brit Spears, Mark Twain, Vincent Van Gogh, Virginia Woolf…
You’ve seen the list right? Almost every author that I had to read in High School/and or College is on this list. Wow! I just may be great. Crazy people obviously have more fun. The people on this list probably has/had some stories to tell. I know cuz I've read em. People like us aren’t afraid to live life, and express ourselves.
This is me trying to make a connection with people who are extremely smart/and or creative..you make just may be crazy…There is scientific data that proves such..Get yourself checked out..especially if people keep saying "something is wrong with you". The crazy people are the ones who don't get checked out.
“Many famous people are believed to have been affected by bipolar disorder (formerly known as manic depression), based on evidence in their own writings and contemporaneous accounts by those who knew them. It is often suggested that genius (or, at least, creative talent) and mental disorder are linked, as discussed by Kay Redfield Jamison in Touched with Fire, though many of the diagnoses in that book are made by Jamison herself.” Wikipedia.com
Think about all of the people who have written beautiful literary works, or beautiful music, or played sports extremely *ect*… Well that were mentally ill….
This is a list of people who had/have Bipolar…Silvia Plath, Edgar Allen Poe, Jim Carrey, Winston Churchill, Kurt Cobain, Patty Duke, Beethoven, Charles Baudelaire, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald, Carrie Fisher, William Falkner LOL “A Rose For Emily”.. Macy Gray, Alexander Hamilton, Ernest Hemmingway, Jennifer Lewis, Issac Newton, Florence Nightingale, Sinead O’Connor, Ozzy Osborne, Cheri Oteri, Jane Pauley, Axl Rose, Nina Simone, Brit Spears, Mark Twain, Vincent Van Gogh, Virginia Woolf…
You’ve seen the list right? Almost every author that I had to read in High School/and or College is on this list. Wow! I just may be great. Crazy people obviously have more fun. The people on this list probably has/had some stories to tell. I know cuz I've read em. People like us aren’t afraid to live life, and express ourselves.
This is me trying to make a connection with people who are extremely smart/and or creative..you make just may be crazy…There is scientific data that proves such..Get yourself checked out..especially if people keep saying "something is wrong with you". The crazy people are the ones who don't get checked out.
Foia original...wrote this 4/17/8 not five minutes ago...
Yes…
I still dream
Of a place
Where both of us
Used to be
What do they call it?
When you wait
Constantly for your phone to ring?
What do they call it?
When you see that person
Your heart doesn’t just beat
It sings?
What do you call it?
When your in their arms
And you don’t wanna be anywhere else
Because you feel safe from harm?
What do you call it
When your down there gets moist
Just because you
What do you call it?
Their touch
Yet a dream
Is where what do they call it
Is for me and you
Because our reality
Isn’t what do they call it
It’s something totally different
In its entirety
What do they call it?
Has escaped you and me
But in my dreams yes..
I still see…
What do they call it?
Between you and me
I still dream
Of a place
Where both of us
Used to be
What do they call it?
When you wait
Constantly for your phone to ring?
What do they call it?
When you see that person
Your heart doesn’t just beat
It sings?
What do you call it?
When your in their arms
And you don’t wanna be anywhere else
Because you feel safe from harm?
What do you call it
When your down there gets moist
Just because you
What do you call it?
Their touch
Yet a dream
Is where what do they call it
Is for me and you
Because our reality
Isn’t what do they call it
It’s something totally different
In its entirety
What do they call it?
Has escaped you and me
But in my dreams yes..
I still see…
What do they call it?
Between you and me
I’ll whisper away….
I have never been good enough
Not for the outside world
And certainly not for myself
Next time God may I have a cheat sheet
Or please leave me behind
And let me get beauty sleep
Life is wayyy too messy
And I like things neat
Rhyming princess, that’s me
One day I’ll be ordained a Queen
My words are all I have
They are the biggest part of me
They’ll be here when I’m gone
My words will live on
Day to day
I’ll whisper away….
Not for the outside world
And certainly not for myself
Next time God may I have a cheat sheet
Or please leave me behind
And let me get beauty sleep
Life is wayyy too messy
And I like things neat
Rhyming princess, that’s me
One day I’ll be ordained a Queen
My words are all I have
They are the biggest part of me
They’ll be here when I’m gone
My words will live on
Day to day
I’ll whisper away….
Guess I’m ready
I really prefer not to share
To make people aware
Of my soul
That is held inside of my books
That help make me whole
What would they say
If they knew I felt
A certain way
About a situation
On a particular day?
How would they react
To my feelings?
By being judgemental..Huh?
When this helps me feel better
I call it my own personal healing
A place to decorate and paint my feelings
Not meant for just anyone to see them
But when they do
I’ll be out of hiding
But that won’t happen
Until I’m ready to share
My own personal writing
To make people aware
Of my soul
That is held inside of my books
That help make me whole
What would they say
If they knew I felt
A certain way
About a situation
On a particular day?
How would they react
To my feelings?
By being judgemental..Huh?
When this helps me feel better
I call it my own personal healing
A place to decorate and paint my feelings
Not meant for just anyone to see them
But when they do
I’ll be out of hiding
But that won’t happen
Until I’m ready to share
My own personal writing
Hilarious….Last semester was stressful
Damn China man
Wish I wouldn’t have taken
Yo class
Got me wanting to do karate
And karate chop yo ass
Because I need an A
In yo class
But I’m not good enough
“Art is not one way”
But my designs don’t pass
What will that look like
Me getting anything
But an A in Art
I know one thing
You’ve just ruined my day
Wish I wouldn’t have taken
Yo class
Got me wanting to do karate
And karate chop yo ass
Because I need an A
In yo class
But I’m not good enough
“Art is not one way”
But my designs don’t pass
What will that look like
Me getting anything
But an A in Art
I know one thing
You’ve just ruined my day
I don’t know you
But I know your story
40 something, single, raising your daughter
You up’d your game
And got a graduates degree
Working with this man who has a PhD
Psychotic patients they both see
She is feeling him
And trying extremely hard to please
But he’s not feeling the situation
She has too much meat
He likes anorexic looking women
Not those who crave rice crispy treats
But back to the point she’s doing 2 much
A man won’t turn down sex
Unless he’s grossed by the thought of…
WHAT!!
But I know your story
40 something, single, raising your daughter
You up’d your game
And got a graduates degree
Working with this man who has a PhD
Psychotic patients they both see
She is feeling him
And trying extremely hard to please
But he’s not feeling the situation
She has too much meat
He likes anorexic looking women
Not those who crave rice crispy treats
But back to the point she’s doing 2 much
A man won’t turn down sex
Unless he’s grossed by the thought of…
WHAT!!
Back in the day when I was a kid..i’m not a kid anymore, but I still read what I wrote back then..
I’ve been impulsive my entire life
Always getting myself into something
I don’t have no business doing
Whether it be doing drugs
Driving too fast
Or screwing
If I don’t grab a hold soon
I’m going to lose it
And I don’t wish to be this way
Don’t confuse it
This impulsiveness has led me far away
From the woman I dream to be
Slowly chipping away tiny parts of me
I must regain control
To rebuild my whole
Because it is very important to me
That on this impulsive journey
That I get to know the true me
Always getting myself into something
I don’t have no business doing
Whether it be doing drugs
Driving too fast
Or screwing
If I don’t grab a hold soon
I’m going to lose it
And I don’t wish to be this way
Don’t confuse it
This impulsiveness has led me far away
From the woman I dream to be
Slowly chipping away tiny parts of me
I must regain control
To rebuild my whole
Because it is very important to me
That on this impulsive journey
That I get to know the true me
Yeah Yeah Yeah..Another one written back in the day
There are probably pages
That reflects those men
Who have touched my life
Some good..
Some sullied..
Taught me how
To move slow
How to get
What I want
Never accepting no
This book
Like all of the others
Will be just that
When it’s tatted about others
About you no longer
It’s a growing period
Call me a flower
Who’s being picked
From your garden
Searching for
A better tomorrow
That reflects those men
Who have touched my life
Some good..
Some sullied..
Taught me how
To move slow
How to get
What I want
Never accepting no
This book
Like all of the others
Will be just that
When it’s tatted about others
About you no longer
It’s a growing period
Call me a flower
Who’s being picked
From your garden
Searching for
A better tomorrow
Funny…I found this in one of my notebooks.
One day I’ll fly away
Like a bird
No one is on my chase
Liberation…
I can almost feel
The wind blowing
Against my face
I’ll be on my own
Which is different
From all alone
Finding my own way
Flying away from
The nest
Where my baby bird
And I now reside
Far
Far
Away from this place
Is where I’ll build
Our next nest
Where we’ll lay
A papa bird?
That bird fell
Out of the tree
Forgot how to fly
And broke his wing
**** Wheew! It musta felt good to get this one out..I don’t have a date..I’m guessing it was written wayyyy over a year ago.***
Like a bird
No one is on my chase
Liberation…
I can almost feel
The wind blowing
Against my face
I’ll be on my own
Which is different
From all alone
Finding my own way
Flying away from
The nest
Where my baby bird
And I now reside
Far
Far
Away from this place
Is where I’ll build
Our next nest
Where we’ll lay
A papa bird?
That bird fell
Out of the tree
Forgot how to fly
And broke his wing
**** Wheew! It musta felt good to get this one out..I don’t have a date..I’m guessing it was written wayyyy over a year ago.***
Common Sense-
Question? If you were going to visit someone at their job, and the person who you were going to see told you that they really weren’t suppose to have their phone, but sometimes they snuck it anyway didn’t answer. How would you go about the situation?
On this particular day the person who was being visited was really busy because of being short staffed, and the person being visited at work didn’t have a chance to sneak their phone. So the person who came to visit the person at work calls, and continues to call….And continues to call. When literally 20 steps in front of the person who came to visit the person at work, is the front door. The front door that has a desk with a woman who sits there and does what she does at a job, work. Yet the person who came to visit the person at work is disgruntled because they didn’t use their common sense to just go in and ask for the person that they came to see. When the person who is being visited at work sees the person visiting them, they rush outside, and is greeted with angst. The person getting visited told the person visiting them that they could have just walked in, because the person visiting them knew that they may not have their phone at all times. What would you have done? Continued to call, and then get mad when the person at work didn’t answer. Or would you have walked in, and have asked for the person?
On this particular day the person who was being visited was really busy because of being short staffed, and the person being visited at work didn’t have a chance to sneak their phone. So the person who came to visit the person at work calls, and continues to call….And continues to call. When literally 20 steps in front of the person who came to visit the person at work, is the front door. The front door that has a desk with a woman who sits there and does what she does at a job, work. Yet the person who came to visit the person at work is disgruntled because they didn’t use their common sense to just go in and ask for the person that they came to see. When the person who is being visited at work sees the person visiting them, they rush outside, and is greeted with angst. The person getting visited told the person visiting them that they could have just walked in, because the person visiting them knew that they may not have their phone at all times. What would you have done? Continued to call, and then get mad when the person at work didn’t answer. Or would you have walked in, and have asked for the person?
Just a thought..
As you can see, I will not let anyone hinder my creative growth. I will not run scared from people who are afraid of my creativity. I will continue to exploit my thoughts and continue not to give a what!!!
Why we still on the block?
Bad boys grown up
On the jock of a glock
Daddies long gone,
And ain’t gave you 1 thought
But you do what you see
Not what you was taught
Even if daddy wasn’t there
Yo mama didn’t raise you like that
To give up on the world
And you act like you don’t care
All you want is a big booty girl
w/ flyy hair and a sexy walk
that know how to put it down
and just don’t talk the talk
Go down on you so good
That you go retarded
And all of a sudden
You can’t talk
Grow up fool
This is what I call
A culture shock
Bad boys grown up
On the jock of a glock
Daddies long gone,
And ain’t gave you 1 thought
But you do what you see
Not what you was taught
Even if daddy wasn’t there
Yo mama didn’t raise you like that
To give up on the world
And you act like you don’t care
All you want is a big booty girl
w/ flyy hair and a sexy walk
that know how to put it down
and just don’t talk the talk
Go down on you so good
That you go retarded
And all of a sudden
You can’t talk
Grow up fool
This is what I call
A culture shock
Finding myself
But I ain’t really
LOST
HUNGRY
But I don’t have the
THIRST
Burns so bad you would
THINK
I had herpes
Try to forget it
But somewhere in my memories
I still find you
LURKING
Want to retaliate
Make you wish
You never fucked over me
Make you a nuise
And hang you from a
TREE
Leave you hanging
In everlasting
SLEEP
But I ain’t really
LOST
HUNGRY
But I don’t have the
THIRST
Burns so bad you would
THINK
I had herpes
Try to forget it
But somewhere in my memories
I still find you
LURKING
Want to retaliate
Make you wish
You never fucked over me
Make you a nuise
And hang you from a
TREE
Leave you hanging
In everlasting
SLEEP
From deep inside one of my notebooks
This may not become of anything
But this is my life
These pages
My heart
Are full of
Bull shit and strife
Yeah I’m felonious
I’ll pull out a knife
Ben- That’s the Ha Ha talk
And look at ya girl
She doing the Ha Ha walk
Man I got street cred
The Ha Ha
If you ain’t been there b4
Don’t go
Because everything is shady
Err body got babies
We stay fresh to death
With no jobs
But yo that’s where I from
And yeah that’s how we come
But this is my life
These pages
My heart
Are full of
Bull shit and strife
Yeah I’m felonious
I’ll pull out a knife
Ben- That’s the Ha Ha talk
And look at ya girl
She doing the Ha Ha walk
Man I got street cred
The Ha Ha
If you ain’t been there b4
Don’t go
Because everything is shady
Err body got babies
We stay fresh to death
With no jobs
But yo that’s where I from
And yeah that’s how we come
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