I really need to get better at making up titles...

School is ruining my love for writing. I am tired of thinking. I am tired of my mind being enlightened to what the media is all about. Hell, I want to go work for them. I already have a hard time keeping a job, so I don't need to know any dirty information about my future career. Instead this semester is reinforcing my belief to not give a what.

Think about this ya'll...

I just found out that because I dated white boys, that they/I ate the "other". bell hooks this dope media culture theorist wrote about how when a white man seeks to sleep with a woman of color that he is only doing it because he wants a sense of adventure. Being white is viewed as pure and boring. While being colored means you are primitive and more exciting. They want to engage in adventure, and through sleeping with an "other" they gain a sense of thrill. That is why the white person eats the other. The other being the colored person. And the colored person doesn't have to be black..chile she had the races ranked by who they would want the most. African American females were number 1. They do this not realizing or believing that they are carrying on the white dominate roll of the past. This shocked the hell out of me!

I understood exactly what she was talking about. I understood it from my perspective though. Deep down inside I felt that me gaining white guys attention I was in some what better than the colored girl who couldn't. I felt like having a white boy put me on a whole different level. Even though my choice at the time was based on being fed up with black guys doing my dirty @ age 16 I made my choice to become the "other" who got eaten.

My professor explained that these rolls can never be reversed. If a black guy is with a white girl..she is eating your ass..you have no power. You are still the minority. She dominates over you, because she is white.

Now that I know this right here..it makes me skeptical about if a white guy talks to me or wants to date me that he is trying to "eat the other." That's the type of shit I'm talking about. Some things you just don't need to know. LOL...


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I'm going to dig into her past
To see what was up with Silvia Plath
Because I'm afflicted with the same disease
Except I don't know if I'll one day be published
When I can no longer breathe

I feel fed up
Just like all poets, they say
We can see the world for what it really is
How beauty isn't always beautiful
And how ugly times can heal
But there always will come a time
When we're destined to erase ourselves away
Poof..disapear..into thin air
When we can no longer handle it
......It depends on the poets personality
That decides how it's done..

Because everything is sooo deep
And we always swim out too far
When we should have swam in the shallow in
Because we are really guppies
Though we'd like to think of ourselves as sharks

Poetry..
A gift and a curse
A cliche that is true
And the truth hurts
It is my lifeline
Yep I know it's gonna get cut short
But it won't be depended on anybodys doing
I will pull my own damn cord..


Because I view life through the lens of a poet..

10.22.8

One of my girls told me today that she was voting for McCain because she thought Palin was pretty. I almost kicked her out of my apt. I couldn't believe my ears. I went on and on about how incompetent and air headed she is, and she still wasn't trying to hear me. I then told her about how she couldn't name any Supreme Court cases but Roe vs Wade, and under extreme pressure she said that she thinks that Brown vs Board of Education should be left up to the states. I then I told her if that were to happen that little black and white kids couldn't be friends, because they would be segregated. She then said she was going to vote for Obama. I'm think that she will have the Bradley affect at the polls...

Lets say my life has taken another drastic change. I pray..and by golly he answers. Literally like the next day..VERY QUICKLY. I really don't want to get into the issue to much, but whatever it is left me devastated yesterday. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. I was home starring into space in the wee hours of the night, and a voice from the sky said, "Call your cousin." So I did. He's a minister. He told me exactly what I already knew, and we prayed. I told him about my whole not really knowing about Jesus being the be all end all, and he told me he understood. I felt relieved somewhat after all that.

Anyway, this too shall pass... But "this" passing hurts like gallstones..and I wish they would just stop passing..

Joe Biden..stop talking so much..You tend to blurt out information that the "others" don't need to hear.

**********************************

I reach my hands up
10 streched out wide
And surrender myself
To the King
And Queen of the sky
Because I cannot navigate
On my own
Throughout this life of mine
Because I keep losing my way
Searching quite diligently
For that bright light

I am stubborn
I am blind
I refuse to open my eyes daily
So they remain shut
Everythings dark
And I'm working on making images blurry
Because I continousouly
Move throughout life
Always stumbling
And bumping into stuff
But at this moment here

I'm going to blink
I'm opening my eyes
Then.....
My feet will take off
To follow what I see
Running for help
King or Queen
Please..Please help me