a poem for my future memory

If only for one moment in time
If your heart could beat
Right next to mine
You will be the most
Revisited memory
...of my life

My dreams..
Are as close
As I've got
To being able to hear
Your heart
.......tick tock
I have no idea
Where you are
But I wish upon you
At night..
On every star..
That I can count
....That you can't
Possibly..
Be so far out of reach
That we won't be
Able to create..
The most revisited..
Memory of my life..

Just like a dream
That lingers on
Long after it's over
You will be
My
Most
Revisited
Memory
Of
My
Life

Music W. Out A Beat

My poetry is like music
Except I don't have cadence
But ya'll listen to my heart
Never the getting
The same beat
But I got ya'll groovin'
To my shit
.........Do ya feel me?

I was just thinkin'
How an ugly bitch
Can be conceited?
Remy Ma..
Honestly ain't that hot
But she's convinced of it
On that track
I'm just sayin'
WTF

And when it comes to me
I make men catch whiplash
While driving..
Or walking in the mall.
They take double takes
And be starring me down
I've been called a stack
So who is a dime?!

I've had it like that..
For a while..
Constant attention..
Since I was a small child
When I was 12 this man
Told me he would drink
My bath water
I thought he was nasty
Wanting to drink...dirt
He tried to make me
A woman..when I was still
A little girl
He was a bum
And I told my daddy
Who stood up for me...
Use your imagination..
To see what was done..

But I knew it then
Kitty Kat had power over men
My friends @ 12..
Were already giving head
Turned out..
Trying to convince me
To let so and so
Put it in my mouth
I wasn't having it..
I couldn't imagine
Who I would be
If I would have given
My virginity up @ 12 or 13..

My poetry is
The soundtrack of my life
It can't be burned
So don't bootleg my shit
I am one of the realest
That you will ever read..

I am beautiful...I suppose
But I am not conceited
When it comes to my poetry
I'M IZ!
Cuz'
My poetry is sooo damn pretty
I write through my eyes
I try to make ya'll see it
So turn me up loud
So I can hurt your ears!!

I remember when*

Okay.. A lot of ya'll..*my blogger homies* have like a weekly segment or you know something that they write about in a consistent matter...

So I have one too..

It's called I remember when...

I remember when I was in kindergarten my mom bought me my first dog. I named her after Dorthy's dog on the Wizard of Oz..Toe-Toe..I don't know if that's how its spelled..but she was so cute..I remember that day we fed her oat meal at my grandmas house. My mom didn't bring any dog food apparently..and me and my cousin admired her. I would wake up in the middle of the night to hold her and rock her..Until she got too big and my mom put her outside..I eventually got disinterested. One time she had worms..It grossed me out..and things were never the same between us.

I remember when..I was at the park across the street from my house..Must have been a year later..they used to give free lunches and snacks in the summer time. So I was there chillin.. So my mom told my best friend at the time Damita to go get me and bring me home. Man..she broke my heart that day..Told me she gave my dog to the pound..I remember sitting under our phone that hung on our wall in the kitchen, on a stool..crying my little heart out.. I first experience loss then..

I remember when.. I fell out of the tree in my back yard when I was probably 7..See I thought I was the next Dominque Dawes..So I was doing what I called gymnastics..and Bam!!! The branch broke! My body succumbed to gravity..and I hit the ground.Hard!! Mouth all bloody..Sprained arm..I got messed up..But that didn't stop me. I still climbed that tree..Until I got old enough not to really play outside..you know I grew up..and we played double dutch..

I remember when I couldn't dance..I mean I was in ballet since I was 2 1/2..and I could do perfect pirouettes @ 4..and could tap my ass off @ 6..but when it came to dancin' like my cousins did..and everyone in my neighborhood. Hence my nick name "White Girl".. I was lost! I remember my mama calling me in the house after she saw me attempting to gyrate in our front yard w/ all the girls from the block..She said "Girl you aren't going to be out there shakin' your tail..All these men around..You aren't going to be like these fast girls" But she was one of the main ones telling me that I didn't have any rhythm if I wasn't shuffle ball stepping or doing pleayes..Lol..but behind closed doors..chile I was learning how to pop and drop it..and by the time I was in the 6th grade I was killin them in dance contest. I danced hard..

Speaking of dance..I remember when in the 11th grade. I had enough credits to basically do a co-op. I had always been a dancer..and a group of my dancer friends from my dance school were doing this out of school everyday dance class. Of course I had to be apart of it. I remember me having a car and not being able to drive it because my mom decided as my punishment the summer before that I wouldn't be able to take drivers ed. So I remember being embarrassed that I had to ride this big ass yellow bus all by myself to go dance with my prestigious friends. I remember being fed up..and sneaking my car out..all of the time..and finally getting caught..gettin my ass whooped..and her finally letting me do my own thing. *I got pulled over for having a tail light out one week after I got my license* wheewh..Neway...

I remember when I used to be shy to go across the floor. I remember when I was afraid to show what I really had. I remember when my teacher who was 40 something..and FAB! Down to earth..but she thought I was the worst dancer..Until..she told me in front of the whole class..that I shouldn't have hidden what I really had. And that I proved her wrong. She said she knew I was afraid and timid. I think the riding the bus in the beginning messed me up..lol.. She said that I should never be that way again in life. I remember all of my dancer friends..whom I still most of them keep in touch w/..And all guy dancers ARE NOT GAY!

I remember when I met Toi... Me and my girl I'll call her Tina..went out..We went to the Body Tap..Her ass showing me around the "A"...It's hood..I fit in good when I want to. * my peeps here call me New-New- thats a whole different post* Neway I had hips and an ass..Speaking of..I REMEMBER WHEN I HAD A BIG ASS! SIZE 7-9 OR 8-10...How ever it came..Anyway..We walked in.. We went to the bathroom. It was this beautiful girl in the bathroom. Thick..Nice face..and just badd. I complimented her outfit..cuz she rolled flyy just like me and my girl..She told me she was from the D..and me being from MI we clicked. But I let her..and she let me go about my business..

Anyway we walked out..and Tina..She peeped TI before I did. I was busy trying to do something else..admiring the purple on the wall..So I wasn't paying no attention when they motioned for us to come over. We went..They offered me a shot of Patron. I was a punk..in front of all of the stars..YES AND SAID.."MY MOMMA TOLD ME NEVER TO TAKE A DRINK FROM JUST ANYONE AND I DON'T KNOW YA'LL..".. I wonder if they could tell I was sooo scared!? Next thing I know Tina is telling me to come on..That Swiss Beats wants us to come along...

We get into her car..and follow them to this studio..It was beautiful. I was soooo freaking nervous..trying to play it cool..I knew what they possibly wanted..But I had my girl there..But her ass was a freak..so I was really scared..To make a long story short..Swiss did his thing in front of TI and all of his peeps..Tiny..her girls..but I didn't want to be in the studio w/ them..I was not a groupie..they picked me..but that's how I felt..

Toi, Tina, and I began to talk over some drinks..We exchanged numbers..she said she would call me..The next thing you know she was up and out. And all of TI's ppl.. Me and Tina were left. Swiss found me..and brought me into the studio..and was playing the TI song he was producing..The white guy mastering it was tired..and Swiss was like "Get used to it dude, if you want to do this". It was like 5 am..and my ass was tired..But white dude left..my girl was in the same room dozing..buzzed..And Swiss and I just danced..Boy. That boy can dance his ass off. I'm from MI and we step..and he can step and bop is what we call it..We talked about his wife..and I asked him why he sought out other women? Ya'll know the answer..the same one they all give..Neway..they are divorced now..So I see why. He wanted us to go back to his/and his cousins hotel room..Lord knows what they wanted to do to us..I couldn't do that shit man..A lot of girls would have..I had been there done that..not being the number one chick...I wasn't having it AGAIN..Now if I would have been single..and he would have been..TOTALLY DIFFERENT STORY..I would have gave him some..and he would be writing songs about me til this day..YA'LL SEE WHAT I DO TO THEM..LOL.. Neway..Toi..I started kicking it w/ her hard..She was Jeezys girlfriend/ manager before he became who he is. So she had inside connections. Me her and baby girl chilled during the day..and just me and her @ night..We went here and there..I saw him and her..Heard about this and that..and I saw a lot. We don't talk any more..That girl had more numbers than anyone I've ever met..Somehow we lost track..Anyway I remember when I was amongst the stars..

I remember when..I had the hugest crush on this boy that went to my high school. He was white. His name was Jedediah. He had like 5 hott brothers or something like that. I called him Jeddy bear. At this time he was with Amber. And I was with Jonny. We were feeling each other though. But the timing wasn't right. I was convinced that this was simply a crush that would pass..and I was going to marry Jonny and have pretty little mixed babies. Wherever we went wrong. He was jealous and controlling..but a real attentive boyfriend..Oh well.. We went our separate ways. I was a senior in high school. He had graduated the year before. Got a job as the football coach for our middle school..and that's where it began. Boy..we had fun..while we lasted. His dad was a little more than racist..so I didn't feel comfortable really. I don't really remember what happened between us to end. I know it wasn't anything dramatic. God gave him the littlest gift that I have ever seen to date though. I made it seem grand! All girls do! But I remember that I could be free with him. I am sure he harbors some of my deepest secrets. I remember him being a really good friend..and boyfriend while we lasted..

Morning Vent

I need to vent...

I had the scariest premonition last night. Most of my premonitions come true..So I don't bullshit around.. So I texted him and said that he doesn't have to come by and get her. Since we don't talk because all he does is yell..we go through our sitter..and I told her to tell him to pick her up from her house...You think he comprehended no. Then I get all these text messages talking about I'm a liar this and that...HA! And that's it's about what I want..TRUE..I want her to play w/ kids and not be cooped up in that store all day..and I want her to be cool when she is @ his house..No air conditioner..No baby girl..Plain and simply why should she have to suffer? And he always replys "PPL didn't used to have air"..yeah that was before it was invented...
He could have had time with her..but he chose not to listen to my directions..His bad..

She doesn't need to be at that store all day w/ him w/ out any kids to play w/..He doesn't understand that.

He's so obsessed w/ lying because he does it all of the time. Sure I've lied and told him I was somewhere I was not...BECAUSE YOU DON'T BELONG IN MY BUSINESS!!

I put in my text msg that said the he doesn't have to come by..that I'm not trying to hurt him..His reply is hurt is hurt...HA! I know he writes nasty stuff about me all of the time. HE IS OBSESSED W/ME! And he's so sick that he can't even realize what he's doing..It's like some people go back and read stuff that they've written that they shouldn't have..and go back and erase it..Not him..he tries to make it nastier and nastier. Sick! The thing is he thinks he's hurting me..but it makes me smile to know that someone has me on their mind so much..even though it's in a sick way..He told me to pray..Lot's of people are in agreement..and we pray that he gets well..

Once again..I hate writing about shit in my personal life like this..But I felt the urge. Oh and can one of ya'll bloggers who visit his site..suggest that he shouldn't put our daughters picture in the comment box..or on his blog at all..she didn't give his okay..and he looks freaky holding her w/ his shirt off. Thanks if you could!

I'm sure today I will get all types of text msgs from him. It's cool because I'm already dressed for work..meaning I have time to stop by the metro store when they open and block his text..I won't be able to see his..but I can send them..Matter of fact I'm going to block one more person that is bugging me.Neat huh?

Where is Obama Girl When We Need Her? N more Randomish

I *heart* the Warren Ballentine show. So this morning as I'm driving to work and listening to him like I do every morning..I hear about The New Yorker showing it's ass. I don't understand why people have to hate. To me when ever a person does or says something negative about a person..that means that they are jealous. Just like in the J. Jackson case. He is mad that Obama will be the President, something he never had a shot at because back then even people thought he was a joke. I remember seeking Mr. Jackson at the high school in the town I grew up in. I was maybe 4..I knew he was a joke then..I don't know how but I did..

Anyway..I am appalled at this. And who ever created this drawing should be damned. It's not right..and no matter how much they try to taint his campaign. I believe that he will be our next President!

************************************************************************************************

I know exactly

What unhappiness

Can do to a person

If they can't handle it

It rips you apart

And hardens your heart

Your blood becomes cold

And you ignore

What ever right..

You've been told..

I know exactly

How unhappiness

Can ruin lives

It makes one hateful

It makes one despise

The things they once loved

But unhappiness

Likes to wear a mask

But it takes a stronger person

To rip off the disguise

Of unhappiness

And rise above

The madness

I know exactly

When unhappiness

Takes over a person's soul

When they can't focus on

Anything...

But what caused them harm

They live and breathe

The things that

Other people have done wrong

And everyone else realizes

That they are unhappy

And are basically

Waiting for them

To get over it..

And move on...

I know exactly...

Who unhappiness affects

Those who are weak minded

And those who constantly

Dwell on the past

Those who cannot move on

Those who live in hell

Those who will never know

Happiness...again!

*********************************************************************************************

So I don't think I'm done growing...My knees hurt like they did when I was a child..I guess they call them growth spurts..OUCH!! It hurts...And for the past 2 days or so I've had the worst head ache. It moves from the left side to the right side of my body. If I move my head downward you know to pick up something up..IT THROBS!! I don't like swallowing pills so there is no chance that I will be taking anything. But right now I'm in pain..and the whole pressure point thing that is located between the thumb and pointer finger isn't working.. I was planning on flat ironing my curls out..but I braided baby girls hair tonight in cornrows and beads..so I'm tired...I guess I will look wild about the head again tomorrow...at least I looked pretty today. I had on a white and polka dot dress. It was fitted @ the top and flared out..I *heart* dresses. I feel so feminine. And plus they are cool down here in this Georgia weather..Speaking of Georgia...Hello to all of my Georgia readers..Don't be shy..you can say hello!

Neway ya'll I'm about to lay it down..and dive into my dreams..Ohh speaking of dreams..I had a really good one last night. I was with someone..who I've never met..but who was simply gorgeous..dark features..beautiful eyes..We held each other. We came together. I woke up hott!! I didn't want it to end. Hopefully one day soon I'll be able to experience my dreams in reality. Anyway...That was for the grown folks..kids I hope ya'll weren't paying attention..

Bath Day

Man I hate to sterotype people..but "bath day" can only be conducted by white people...



Since I've been working at this Montessori school maybe 5 kids participate in "bath day"... They are all white.



When I first heard the other teachers talking about "bath day" I couldn't believe that people actually planned days for their children to get cleaned..



In my head I'm thinking...These little rugrats are outside for maybe 3 hours each day, rolling in and throwing wood chips. They sweat and when they're done playing they smell like all of great out doors..Ya'll know that smell that you get when you stand outside even if you don't play? Well imagine it on a child who does play..PU!



One of the elementary students was like " I don't have to take baths on Mondays, Wendsays, or Fridays"... I was thinking that's why you smell like that.. lol



I know my baby girl takes a bath everyday. Mainly at night..then when she wakes up in the morning before I get her dressed I wash her up...and reapply her lotion and powder. One thing I can't stand is a stinky kid. Kids are a reflection of their parents, and I believe when you look at my lil one you see perfection...



So what do you guys think..Parents or not..What do you think about "bath day"..Is it a cultural difference, or a hygein thing?

Late Night Thought

I want to be touched
Where ever my
Future lover is
I hope they hurry up
Because I’m tired
Tired of being..
Hurt…