Covered

I watched a movie yesterday called "Covered". It had a lot of known black actors..Leon was in it ya'll!! The two main characters husband and wife, I've seen them before but can't tell you what their names are. Anyway..ya'll need to watch that movie. I'm not going to give you a premise of the movie because ya'll need to rent it. To tell you something about it..it was centered around down low brothers..it was funny and dramatic and very suspenseful.

Me and my girl were talking..after it was over..and I was telling her about someone who took me to a gay bar in a well known gay area when we first got together. And he was super cool about it. Now at the time I'm thinking that this maybe the only spot for us to get drinks. Now that I think about it..How did he know about that spot?? Had he been there before without me?. I know most men wouldn't dare go to a gay bar.."male" gay bar if that was the only place to get drinks on earth..Hmm..Now I'm wondering..

He always had elaborate stories about the women he slept with, and how his male member was so great. Was he overcompensating for something? Now I would run afraid if a guy talks about another woman in my presence, and if gave more glory to his penis than to God..then I would say deuces. But I should have put up the peace sign after he took me to that gay bar...So I wonder now..after the fact what his motivation was?

Now we've come to the conclusion from my blog..almost every woman has thought or fantasized about another woman. A many have had their dreams come true. I'm starting to think the same about men...

Seven Dollar's...Bitch

So my girl..the one who always gives me so much insight..stuff I already know and can tell people, but somehow I can't take my own advice. Anyway she had me cracking up when I told her about this....and she now calls the situation "Seven Dollars Bitch"

I have been sending my resume everywhere. I've been on 2 interviews.

So I don't know maybe Monday I checked my gmail account. After remembering that the email on my resume is for gmail. So I got a reply back. Damn I said..That's not good. I emailed them anyway. Their name was Wande..I'm like man or woman???

So I email "it" and tell them this and that. I ask if they are still interested.

In less than 5 mins. in my inbox was a reply that said resend your resume.

So I do...............

Your reseume looks great. Can you please come in for an interview Monday morning anytime between 8am-10am. Please bring a portfolio if you have one, sample lesson plans or anything else that will give us a glimpse of who you are. We have hired our lead teachers and must hire our teacher assistant by Monday afternoon. The position will start on Tuesday, July 29, 2008. We run on the same calendar year as Clayton County Pre-School system, so when they are out for holiday/breaks, pre-k is out as well. We are lookin for an organized individual ith a deep love for children. The state does pop up visits and bonuses are dependent on how well you score during the state visits.The starting salary for a para-pro (teachers assistant in $6.55-$7.00 per hour. This position only requires that the individual be at least 21 years old and you must provide a criminal background check if hired. We look forward to seeing you, if you are interested.

Misspelled words and punctuation mistakes..is it that hard to use spell check?


Okay..

So I talk to my girl. I give her the run down and what not. She was cracking up at the fact that I could actually make 45 cent's less. She called me the Seven Dollar Bitch... Then she told me what I already knew..That I just needed a check..




So I go on the interview....

I get there..and boy..I see why they are paying 7.00. The application ya'll..Was typed for the most part. But you better believe somebody forgot something and was too lazy to do it over..so they decided to draw in the subject lines that they forgot. Desired Salary_______.

I fill out the application. I'm sitting there and waiting. Listening to the voices around me. Boy...It was African American Vernacular Land..

Okay..I don't talk about people. Wande is a woman. Here is her description. She's cute in the face. She has coaco brown skin, and a huge ass. It was just out there, and you know a skinny girl like me sometimes has ass envy. Then I wake up and realize that I am healthy, and I have year and years to get old and "thick". Where she goes wrong is..That hair..it wasn't her hair. And if yo shit looks like a damn rug...please women don't just think it's okay to walk around like that. It was like a curly afro, I guess. But that shit looked a hot mess.

Anyway we begin the interview. I tell her that I made a powerpoint of some lesson plans. She was pleased. We talked. I had the job. She told me that they had hired the lead teacher in the email she sent me the previous day, but somehow the day of my interview..they just couldn't find the right person..Well yeah..
She showed me the school. Paint was chipping off of the walls. The floors were dirty. EW. It smelled of mold. Then she showed me the classroom that I would be in. It was 10 times worse. She said the previous teacher had to just take stuff off of the wall. No..it looked like she let the kids have a lets fuck up this room party.


So anyway I asked if my baby girl could go there. Knowing that I REALLY don't want her to. But at least we could be together. She said yes....for 45 dollars a week... *gulp*

She gives me the paper work for baby girl..and tells me she will call me tomorrow..Which was yesterday.

I didn't hear from her.

I email her... asking if she found the lead teacher yet..


This is what I got..

"we are still searching for the lead teacher. just can't find the right person with the proper credentials and good in the classroom. i apologize for the delay, i wasn't at the center yesterday and i'm not there today, either. we did hire an assistant teacher who holds a degree in early childhood education and is very familiar with the bright from the start requirements and state requirements so it would not involve as much training on our part. thank you for your interview and good luck in your job search!"



Wow..a person with a degree is going to work for 7.00...I am amazed. I would have worked there ya'll. My meditation that I use in my daily life worked. I meditated on the fact that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Because of both my blessings, and choices good or bad. I meditated on me being able to make my dreams come true because to break it down. I am my own God, who is lead by some spiritual being.
That job wasn't right for me...

So this is my plan...gotta have a plan..

I will continue to look. But as long as I stay home. And don't drive much. I can just buy food and stay put until I have to.

My school has me f-ed up. I should have graduated like 2 years ago..but I missed classes because they only offer the damn thing once a year, or they only have one damn class, at one time.. Which is what I'm running into now. So I've decided it's time for me to transfer. My classes are all through the day..everyday like they were last fall/spring. It was very hard..school was my life. And I actually do well if that is my only focus.
But if I do find a job that is during the day..I lose classes. Ahhh..

Everything will work out...I have faith.. in me..

3 Poems..and a note

I just don't understand
How man
Can be about one thing
But really be...on another?
Living life
as a contradiction
Living life
as if they're Jesus
Let them tell it
They've claimed...
To have walked
On water

"You lie"
and so you don't?
"Never have, and I won't"

When you and I
Know that's bullshit
From the smallest thing
To the largest
You and I both
Have been a liar

But still, you fix your lips
To spread hate
It's fine
..........We all sin
But the problem becomes
When a man
Starts to believe
The stories they spin

What those same people
Don't know
Is that they are headed
Straight for hell
Because if they died today
Their spirit would be too heavy
That it couldn't float away
Because they never forgave
They never let go
Of what happened to them
So they'll take it to their grave
I am a sinner
So that's why I pray
To my creator
Who protects me
From all of my haters
Who slander my name..
Daily
*************************************************************************************************

Two Faced
It's an elementary word
But it doesn't stop there
Because we live in
An elementary world

I believe in you
More than you believe
In yourself
Is what I've been told
But then you
IMMEDIATELY
In the same breathe
SMASH
My face in the dirt
Thinking that it
Will hurt
Thinking that
I'm afraid of water
And won't rinse off
**************************************************************************************************

Honestly,
I am happy
I feel whole
In my tattered skin
I will grow
Honestly,
Sometimes it rains
So hard
That I hope
That it thunders
And that
Lighting will strike me
Down
Honestly...

Honestly..
I love him..
Honestly..
I can forgive
But honestly,
I will not compromise
My happiness
For anybody
Who is ne-ga-tive
Who can't see
The beauty
In anything that I give
Who only complains
Without looking at themselves
Honestly....

***************************************************************************************************

Okay...so one of my best friends came in town. I saw him..and boy has he grown into a man. We met at my job @ the mall in MI. My friend...was his sister..but didn't know it..until after we started kickin it.. Well anyway she lives down here now, and is a teacher. So my friend will be coming here more often. We kicked it and talked about old times. I really miss him. Even though we talk on the phone all of the time, that doesn't beat seeing him face to face. He is really a true friend. And I was happy that I got to see him..

Quotes for life..2 added by me..Then a poem...

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity....Albert Einstein



I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.....Mother Teresa



The true measure of a man is not how he behaves in moments of comfort and convenience but how he stands at times of controversy and challenges......Martin Luther King Jr.



If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high. Look it squarely in the eye, and say, "I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me...Ann Landers



Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict....William E. Channing



Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature....Helen Keller



Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin....Hansen, Grace



**************************************************************************************************



You know I've always believed in Karma. I am in no way Jesus, so therefore yes I have sinned. Because of that fact I am in no way immune from being "punished" for doing something wrong. I have also repented, which has in turn granted me many, many, blessings......Foia



Being in the right or wrong time, however you see it can land you in a place that you are supposed to be. There are always 2 maybe 3 roads one can travel. Think carefully before you waste your gas on the route you think is best, because prices are rising every day....Foia





And now a poem:





I am me

I write

I tell

My

Testimony

But only I

Can alter my story



I have been broken

In half

Jumped

Off of the wall

Just like

Humty Dumpty

When he had a great fall



My head is hard

But my heart is soft

I've been through a lot

And yes I've taken notes

So the next time

I fill in the bubble correct

So I don't continue

To make the same mistakes



I can admit

That I am not

Though I may look

PERFECT

So I've been told

By so many people

From all over the world

I have to tell myself

That's not true

I am a work in progress

Who might break

But that's why

We have glue

Fuck it I'm just gonna get a Check!

You are not going to fire me because..haaaa I might not come back!



Okay..I was talking to my home girl..the one who I've known since I moved down here. She is older 30 years old..and that is my bitch..She has the best real world advice. She is the same one who got fired from ample jobs also. She has been through it, and I always think..if she did it, so can I.



So with her help I am convinced that right now...I'm just gonna get a check...2 weeks max..3 weeks for extra she said..She had me cracking up..



So I have to have training for this GA prek program. At the "MONTESSORI" school there was no training? I see a problem there. I am going to set up the classroom before the students come in 2 weeks. I don't want to meet the babies. I don't plan on staying long.



The interviewer told me that she wanted a portfolio and lesson plans. I told her I didn't have a portfolio, but was thinking *damn I should have done that @ Montessori*. I must say at Montessori we didn't have lesson plans..everything was ALWAYS impromptu. I would bust out with lets do yoga at any moment.



So I made this PowerPoint presentation because I don't have a printer of some "lessons" that I got off google. For the pay..they are stretching me thin already..But fuck it..I'm just gonna get a check..



A Poem... written by me..



Trying to survive
I'm wiping toilets
for 5.55
Minimum wage
How can I live
So I steal
Just to feed
My kids



I bust my ass
12 hours a day
I worker harder
Always for less
But what else
Can I do
When I got
Bills to pay
Except sweat really hard
And wipe my tears
Because I'm surviving for me
............I see no other way



The America Dream
Crossing the boarder
For only a short time
Huddling together
Stacking every dime
Deplorable conditions
In a land of foreign tongue
We work the hardest
Out on the farm



I'm on the corner
In my stance
Night...is my friend
Day..only when I'm feeling good
I do my thing...
I make them spend
To make my daddy feel good
But my makeup is too thick
And I feel overused
But this is all I know
So what's a girl to do?



But fuck it
Sometimes you gotta
Just get a check

Today

Thanks for all of the support guys!

I appreciate it...really..

I have a job interview tomorrow. Same field as last time..but for the GA PreK program..But for incredibly less money. But it's closer to my apartment. So now my heart is playing tug of war between needing money, and being over worked and under paid. She said if I'm not a "nut" just plan on staying tomorrow all day..lol..if she only knew. Oh well good thing by looking at me I don't look cracked up..lol..

So right now as we speak I am sitting on my couch searching craigslist for something better.

So with that being said..I need to go back and search some more..

I have a question...

Would you take a job that was paying an incredibly less amount of money?

So..The first day after a "tragedy" is always a test for me.

My mind races...thoughts go a mile a minute. Most not pleasant.

I hardly ever cry...unless the shit hits the fan..

I did a lot of that on Friday..

Then I talked to a couple of my "friends"..

One of my girls who I've known since I moved down here told me "Losing a job ain't shit. I got fired from almost every job that I've had". Then she went down the list of what jobs and why. She is too funny, so all I could do was listen and picture her in the moment of being terminated. I felt like I had company.

Then one of my guy friends texted me this morning..I told him I got fired..and he texted back "Why is it so hard for you to keep a job?... I texted back "??"..I wasn't able to go back to sleep. This was @ 7:00 am. I know..I know..ya'll are thinking I let ppl get to me. Well at least I realize that..and I can work on it. But more than him getting to me. I realized that what he said is the truth.

Nonetheless, I have been sending my resume out...we'll see what happens.

On the day that I got fired. I was listening to a radio station down here, and they were talking about losing their job. All of them agreed that if they lost their job today, that they would be fine because they still had their family. Bull shit I say..because if you don't have a job..how can you take care of your family. With the economy being a piece of shit now..it is harder now to find a job. A good paying job. I know I have a requirement, and I will not work for less than I know I deserve. I will be miserable, and it will show in my job performance. Again..I realize this..therefore I can POSSIBLY control it. I worked as a hotel desk clerk for a lil while last summer, and the maids got paid less than us. Reminder me of house ni***** and field n******..yep..

Speaking of control..that is the hardest part for me. Seems as if I have little to none...Impulsitivity..used to be fun when I was younger. Even though back then it got me into worlds of trouble..but I was a kid, and I thought I would grow out of it. For the most part, I don't see myself wilding out like I did when I was a teenage..but I must say I do some stupid shit..Like not following my intuition. My intuition told me on that day..don't use the phone.....BUT I DID..and I always get slapped when I don't listen.

So I leave you with this..ppl listen to the vibrations that you get from the world around you..