Today was a good day. I have some pretty cool professors. I think I'm getting a quality education. I love the small class sizes. It reminds me of how my hs used to be. A very cozy and intimate environment. No more than 30 something of us per class. I have a class with only 8 people. The professor is cool, and really personable. She makes sure you do your work, unlike some professors who don't care one way or another. She has been pissed at me more than once this semester. She speaks her mind, and she will let you know what's up. Everything bothers me, so I had to ask her what she meant by the comments that she made to me, about me. She told me that she expects a lot, because she thinks that I'm smart. This is the first time she was pissed @ me. We made up. Then I get her mad at me Tuesday,to the point where she was avoiding eye contact and walking past me in the hallway rolling her eyes. It's was hilarious! I felt bad. So again that bothered me, which made me crash what I had to do next. Then today I apologize again, and she said that she really appreciated it. I'm not going to tell you why and what she said, because eh..
So it's test time in all of my classes. The first real round of see what you've absorbed time. I have a FEAR that I've lost the true technique of writing. I believe that it's due to the fact that I'm a poet. I don't use punctuation. I've used too many ....... to separate sentences that I forgot how to write technically. I had this thesis due for my media and culture class yesterday by 2:00. I was sitting in my previous class taking notes, listening, and trying to work out my thesis. I knew my professor probably wouldn't be impressed. Her PhD is from Emory, and is kickin our asses accordingly. The thing is I believe that I am a good student, but I have to be guided in some way. Many of my classmates feel as if we don't know which way we are going. I don't think I'm performing how I know that I can. We are learning about fear in the media, and we fear her. lol. We just don't know what to expect. Yet, overall she is great at what she does. She is passionate which is good, but she is kick ass. She is my adviser also, and I must say that I should have listened to her when she said 18 credit hrs would be a lot.
I studied all night last night for our first exam for media and culture. Thanks to Red Bull I was able to stay up. I got up this morning fearing what conundrum I was going to encounter @ 12:45.
Fast forwarding to the exam. Her TA's give the exam. There is a time limit on the exam. I'm having an anxiety attack and I felt like I was about to pass out. They hand out the test, and I flip it over. It was 3 or 4 multiple true/false questions, and 3 short essays. I think I missed one of the multiple choice questions. It is possible with my luck that I missed all of the multiple choice. Then the essay part. My penman ship is not too pretty, but mechanical pencils help out a lot. I didn't indent my paragraphs. All I could think of was pour all of this information out on this page. I know she's gonna be like WTF? Next time I'll know better. Overall I think I emptied what I learned onto the paper. I don't know again with my luck I may have perceived it all wrong.
It wasn't that bad though. I still have fear in me. haha
Then comes this thesis statement. We were to pick a film, watch it, and analyze it. Not give the plot summary. I'm finding that to be the hardest thing to separate. So last night it finally all came together when I thought about all of the media cultural theorist ideas and how they related to my film. Today my partners and the TA gives me back their comments. *I called them baby B's. Everyone thought that was funny because they are just like her. No bull shit please. So I looked at it my comments and thought damn I type too damn fast, and I already know my words so it's kind of hard to catch mistakes. She again probably believes I'm not with it, but at least I'll know better *hopefully* next time.
I really love my choice of major. I am ready to become a part of that dirty world, because if you do not know it is grimy. From what I'm learning and confirming what I already know, is that media jobs and what not aren't going anywhere. Confirming what I already know is that there is a deeper meaning to everything that we represent. We are only presenting images in society. Nothing about life is authentic anymore. I am able to question authority, and critically think about the spectacles that are orchestrated around us all. Take for instance this whole Palin thing. I don't care if I spelled her name right or not, but the media is making a bigger deal out of this lipstick wearin' pig instead of focusing on the real issues. Hello, we Americans are hurting and all they the media can talk about is pork. I know that the world and society is tainted something terrible. It just dawned on me that I am confused. They are training us, giving us test and what not, making us understand theorist,so that we can go out there and work for the spectacle?? Life is a damn spectacle, and I'm confused why am I feeling like I'm in the military and they are training me to be okay with killing?
I have an Alice in Wonderland clip.. It's voice over. I like it. Pretty clever. Check it out..
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Please Call Me Before....
Yo...
I think the heavens are trying to tell me something.
I hear..quit your job. I hear quit wasting gas. I hear that if I quit my job, that I can find another one very quickly. I hear..go cocktail. I hear more money, and more time to study and be a mother.
K.. A quick run down of my job. Everything was manageable despite the fact that I have no resources to keep the kids entertained. I mean the crayons are broken up and so raggedy. We don't even have freakin' hot water!! What a code violation. It's gross in there. You can find plenty of ants everywhere. They wanted baby girl to go there. I passed not only because that school is breaking every code violation in the book, but they don't learn anything there.
So the "manager" over me who hates to be there, decides that she's going to take a week off. Cool. It was Ms. Mo and Ms. T , and of course me. We had things on lock. Where things go wrong is when Ms. T who is 17 turns, on the radio and it was Young Jeezy. I guess some kid told their parents. She was deep in it. Somehow she talked her way out of it on the phone with our director.Then it was my turn. It was yesterday. I had no idea what to expect. She said something to me about the music, but she said she didn't hear my name in it. I was like wheew! Then she said,"Okay one of the parents came to me and you're going to know exactly who I'm talking about when I tell you what was said. Mikey *who is the little boy who is sooo cute, who is basically I don't know how to define it. The "normal" world would call him disabled. Autistic they say. I don't see it. He doesn't flap his hands or head from side to side. He can sit down and look at a book. He can climb all over the play ground and not fall. He plays with one toy at a time. And if something happens, Mikey is headed straight towards me with his head. He gets mad a lot, because he can communicate very well.* I just figured I would give new readers a lil back ground info.
"The parent said that you told Mikey that he was so intelligent in a sarcastic tone."
What she is talking about is one afternoon about 5:00 I was greeting this parent, who obviously doesn't know Mikey. She over hears me saying "OMG Mikey you are so smart." I said this because Mikey who is supposed to be Autistic runs from across the play ground to say, "A baby." Which the parent who told on me was holding. It was the sweetest thing in the whole world. I actually meant he is so smart.
Stupid bitch. Loyal readers you know I was gonna say it..lol.
I defended myself on the phone, basically telling her how I meant what I said. I told her that Mikey surprises me every day, and that I'm amazed by how much he actually interacts with his world if he's supposedly Autistic.
She told me she was questioning whether she made the right decision to leave me in charge of the pre primary after school program. I was like here it comes..Dun Dun Dun...Like Donald Trump.. "You're fired."
She told me she was taking my word for it, and she thinks I have a lot to offer. Blah Blah Blah..Wheew!
Then yesterday the manager lady who DOESN'T want to be there has the biggest attitude. To make a long story short, she asked me if the schedule was the same. I said yes. She goes into the room with the toddlers, and me and Ms. T were doing our thing. We had our broke down crayons, and some coloring sheets. The kids get pretty bored easily. The girls can sit down for a long period of time, but it's always those boys who run up to me every single time they draw a line or something. They hit each other, they try to poke each other with pencils. They are terrible. So, I decide a half an hour before snack time that I was going to take them outside. The manger lady who DOESN'T want to be there yells at me, "I thought the schedule was the same..yada yada.. " I don't think I caught an attitude. I just listened to what she had to say. "Okay" was all I had to say. I walked away. Pissed off. I had already had a bad day at school. No need to tell it. This crap here was way to much to deal with. Then Ms. T, and the manager lady get into it about sweeping the floor and what not. Then Ms. T calls the "director." Keep in mind that I talked to the director after Ms. T. Then after Ms. T leaves the manager lady came into the classroom, that smells like mildew quite forcefully. I turn around like WTF? A couple of parents saw the door to the hot ass classroom that has no air, and decided to enter and leave through the door.
She says " I don't know if you're trying to be funny and tell me something, but I'm put here to greet parents and their leaving out that door."
Okay..Ms. Leo<<<<< I try to keep it calm and collective. I put up with A LOT before I explode. But it was hot in there and I said, "This is not about you. Ms. J said that I can have the door open. It's hot in here, and you don't have to be in here. I'll send the parents in there." I was pissed off already, but my pissed off @ this moment is like I wanna cry. I could under stand why she was snappin' off, because she DIDN'T want to be there. I was hot, miserable, and needed to be studying. I think I handled it well, but last night I got the epiphany that I talked about above.
I was expecting to be fired today, because the manager lady was going to exaggerate the situation. I said at school to one of my girls that I didn't care if they fired me. I just would hope they would call me before making me drive an hour away. lol. So today when I get there.. No Ms. T in sight. There was some other chick with a short hair cut. The lead teacher said that Ms. T would no longer be with us. I asked her if I was in trouble? I guess not, because she asked me to go clean the bathroom, and the kitchen. Good, I didn't want to be with the kids at that moment anyway.
Then to make another long story short..The new girl who is 18, who ran the ASP last year decides to hand me a "new schedule." I'm like WTF? I didn't say it, thought it though..So I said okay whatever. I knew the manager lady wasn't going to have it. Remember that I only went outside a half an hour early, but here the lil chick was changing the whole schedule. Sure enough the kids couldn't sit through another 45 minutes of reading time, when I had already read for an half an hour. We let her crash and burn. We did her plan. The kids couldn't sit still. Manager lady and I at the same time say, "4:00 it's snack time." She said all frustrated, "well I don't know what you want me to do." We did what we do. Snack time. Then play ground by 4:20 :). She was obviously pissed off. Then the "director" who she babysits for comes and she starts crying. I'm like now I gotta deal with this. The director asked me what happened, and I told her exactly what went down. We let her do her thing and it didn't work. So we did what she established in the beginning. We followed the schedule she set in place. Now she feels torn between the schedule that she created, and this chick who she knows really well. She said she had to sleep on it. I'm like whatever...
We'll see tomorrow. I don't care either way. I just hope they call before they fire me. hahaha!
I have to go study. No poem tonight. Maybe when I wake up EARLY I will be able to do a lil' sumthin..
I think the heavens are trying to tell me something.
I hear..quit your job. I hear quit wasting gas. I hear that if I quit my job, that I can find another one very quickly. I hear..go cocktail. I hear more money, and more time to study and be a mother.
K.. A quick run down of my job. Everything was manageable despite the fact that I have no resources to keep the kids entertained. I mean the crayons are broken up and so raggedy. We don't even have freakin' hot water!! What a code violation. It's gross in there. You can find plenty of ants everywhere. They wanted baby girl to go there. I passed not only because that school is breaking every code violation in the book, but they don't learn anything there.
So the "manager" over me who hates to be there, decides that she's going to take a week off. Cool. It was Ms. Mo and Ms. T , and of course me. We had things on lock. Where things go wrong is when Ms. T who is 17 turns, on the radio and it was Young Jeezy. I guess some kid told their parents. She was deep in it. Somehow she talked her way out of it on the phone with our director.Then it was my turn. It was yesterday. I had no idea what to expect. She said something to me about the music, but she said she didn't hear my name in it. I was like wheew! Then she said,"Okay one of the parents came to me and you're going to know exactly who I'm talking about when I tell you what was said. Mikey *who is the little boy who is sooo cute, who is basically I don't know how to define it. The "normal" world would call him disabled. Autistic they say. I don't see it. He doesn't flap his hands or head from side to side. He can sit down and look at a book. He can climb all over the play ground and not fall. He plays with one toy at a time. And if something happens, Mikey is headed straight towards me with his head. He gets mad a lot, because he can communicate very well.* I just figured I would give new readers a lil back ground info.
"The parent said that you told Mikey that he was so intelligent in a sarcastic tone."
What she is talking about is one afternoon about 5:00 I was greeting this parent, who obviously doesn't know Mikey. She over hears me saying "OMG Mikey you are so smart." I said this because Mikey who is supposed to be Autistic runs from across the play ground to say, "A baby." Which the parent who told on me was holding. It was the sweetest thing in the whole world. I actually meant he is so smart.
Stupid bitch. Loyal readers you know I was gonna say it..lol.
I defended myself on the phone, basically telling her how I meant what I said. I told her that Mikey surprises me every day, and that I'm amazed by how much he actually interacts with his world if he's supposedly Autistic.
She told me she was questioning whether she made the right decision to leave me in charge of the pre primary after school program. I was like here it comes..Dun Dun Dun...Like Donald Trump.. "You're fired."
She told me she was taking my word for it, and she thinks I have a lot to offer. Blah Blah Blah..Wheew!
Then yesterday the manager lady who DOESN'T want to be there has the biggest attitude. To make a long story short, she asked me if the schedule was the same. I said yes. She goes into the room with the toddlers, and me and Ms. T were doing our thing. We had our broke down crayons, and some coloring sheets. The kids get pretty bored easily. The girls can sit down for a long period of time, but it's always those boys who run up to me every single time they draw a line or something. They hit each other, they try to poke each other with pencils. They are terrible. So, I decide a half an hour before snack time that I was going to take them outside. The manger lady who DOESN'T want to be there yells at me, "I thought the schedule was the same..yada yada.. " I don't think I caught an attitude. I just listened to what she had to say. "Okay" was all I had to say. I walked away. Pissed off. I had already had a bad day at school. No need to tell it. This crap here was way to much to deal with. Then Ms. T, and the manager lady get into it about sweeping the floor and what not. Then Ms. T calls the "director." Keep in mind that I talked to the director after Ms. T. Then after Ms. T leaves the manager lady came into the classroom, that smells like mildew quite forcefully. I turn around like WTF? A couple of parents saw the door to the hot ass classroom that has no air, and decided to enter and leave through the door.
She says " I don't know if you're trying to be funny and tell me something, but I'm put here to greet parents and their leaving out that door."
Okay..Ms. Leo<<<<< I try to keep it calm and collective. I put up with A LOT before I explode. But it was hot in there and I said, "This is not about you. Ms. J said that I can have the door open. It's hot in here, and you don't have to be in here. I'll send the parents in there." I was pissed off already, but my pissed off @ this moment is like I wanna cry. I could under stand why she was snappin' off, because she DIDN'T want to be there. I was hot, miserable, and needed to be studying. I think I handled it well, but last night I got the epiphany that I talked about above.
I was expecting to be fired today, because the manager lady was going to exaggerate the situation. I said at school to one of my girls that I didn't care if they fired me. I just would hope they would call me before making me drive an hour away. lol. So today when I get there.. No Ms. T in sight. There was some other chick with a short hair cut. The lead teacher said that Ms. T would no longer be with us. I asked her if I was in trouble? I guess not, because she asked me to go clean the bathroom, and the kitchen. Good, I didn't want to be with the kids at that moment anyway.
Then to make another long story short..The new girl who is 18, who ran the ASP last year decides to hand me a "new schedule." I'm like WTF? I didn't say it, thought it though..So I said okay whatever. I knew the manager lady wasn't going to have it. Remember that I only went outside a half an hour early, but here the lil chick was changing the whole schedule. Sure enough the kids couldn't sit through another 45 minutes of reading time, when I had already read for an half an hour. We let her crash and burn. We did her plan. The kids couldn't sit still. Manager lady and I at the same time say, "4:00 it's snack time." She said all frustrated, "well I don't know what you want me to do." We did what we do. Snack time. Then play ground by 4:20 :). She was obviously pissed off. Then the "director" who she babysits for comes and she starts crying. I'm like now I gotta deal with this. The director asked me what happened, and I told her exactly what went down. We let her do her thing and it didn't work. So we did what she established in the beginning. We followed the schedule she set in place. Now she feels torn between the schedule that she created, and this chick who she knows really well. She said she had to sleep on it. I'm like whatever...
We'll see tomorrow. I don't care either way. I just hope they call before they fire me. hahaha!
I have to go study. No poem tonight. Maybe when I wake up EARLY I will be able to do a lil' sumthin..
Monday, September 8, 2008
MTV: Randomness and a poem
First, I must say did ya'll see my girl Britney on the MTV Awards last night? She looked hot! I am so happy for her. She won an award, and she said just enough. She has made a total turn around. I knew it was possible. I also knew that man K. Fed is what brought her down. She didn't have all of those problems until she got with him. Nonetheless, she is still fabulous!!
Lil Wayne also did his thing crankin' that Roosevelt. :) I think guys who can ditty bob are sexy! I just wish he would pull his pants up. I find nothing attractive about a man with his underwear exposed. It's a sign of immaturity and extra-ness, and I will pass on that tip.
Tip!! OMG..if you didn't know I love him. His performance was on point, and he looked handsome as usual. Tameka and Clifford make the greatest hood couple. They do as they please, but they know where home is. He is sexy none the less, for a lil dude. I think it's mostly his swagger, and I must admit I have a thing for guys with an "Atlanta" accent. YUH!
Katie Perry..Luv the song.. But what did she have on last night? The top was cute, but where she went wrong is tucking the damn thing into her spandex shorts. You could see the imprint of her top. Not sexy at all.
Rhianna...is so hot. She is really a rocker chick, and I dig that. She looked amazing in all black *My fav color, besides purple*....Her boy Mr. Brown seems to be really supportive of her. I am happy for them. Now if everyone could stay out of their business Carter style then everything would be alright.
Relationship business is not other peoples business. :)
*****************************************
You walked out of that musty house
Where your..nightmare lived
November 2003, late at night
An ellipses in your last days
Because we are left
To fill in the blanks
Your grandmother
Sat at her kitchen table
Newport soft pack
Within arms reach
Martel and coffee
She had her weed
And her papers
As she picked
Out the seeds
She watched you leave
She was getting high
On your last goodbye
You were 18
But missing part of your brain
So they say..
I know now they never
Gave you a fair chance
At reaching your full potential
You were disadvantaged
From the start
Stuck in Stern Bronson
Special Ed..
A beautiful girl
Light Skinned, Long hair
In the black community
We are perceived
.... as weak
An object...
To share
Or abuse..
And overuse
Where you went wrong
is. that. you
Believed it..
And gave in
To any and every dude
You walked off
And ended up
Never ending sleep
They found you
Dead on the side
Of some Benton Harbor street
Nothing but bones
Had to do an DNA test
To identify you
Because they didn't have..
Dental records
Apparently, you had never been
...to the dentist
In your 18 years
Of life..
Total
When we found out
They confirmed what we already knew
Somebody snatched you up
And killed you
Where we come from
There is no hope for
One single clue
An unsolved mystery
Is unsolved alright
But your blood is still
Present on someones hands
Forever, until he joins you
In his own grave..
Your memory will not be forgotten
Not by me as long as my fingers speak
The truth and how I see it
Ms. Ashley
Because for you..
I will write...
To keep your spirit alive
Lil Wayne also did his thing crankin' that Roosevelt. :) I think guys who can ditty bob are sexy! I just wish he would pull his pants up. I find nothing attractive about a man with his underwear exposed. It's a sign of immaturity and extra-ness, and I will pass on that tip.
Tip!! OMG..if you didn't know I love him. His performance was on point, and he looked handsome as usual. Tameka and Clifford make the greatest hood couple. They do as they please, but they know where home is. He is sexy none the less, for a lil dude. I think it's mostly his swagger, and I must admit I have a thing for guys with an "Atlanta" accent. YUH!
Katie Perry..Luv the song.. But what did she have on last night? The top was cute, but where she went wrong is tucking the damn thing into her spandex shorts. You could see the imprint of her top. Not sexy at all.
Rhianna...is so hot. She is really a rocker chick, and I dig that. She looked amazing in all black *My fav color, besides purple*....Her boy Mr. Brown seems to be really supportive of her. I am happy for them. Now if everyone could stay out of their business Carter style then everything would be alright.
Relationship business is not other peoples business. :)
*****************************************
You walked out of that musty house
Where your..nightmare lived
November 2003, late at night
An ellipses in your last days
Because we are left
To fill in the blanks
Your grandmother
Sat at her kitchen table
Newport soft pack
Within arms reach
Martel and coffee
She had her weed
And her papers
As she picked
Out the seeds
She watched you leave
She was getting high
On your last goodbye
You were 18
But missing part of your brain
So they say..
I know now they never
Gave you a fair chance
At reaching your full potential
You were disadvantaged
From the start
Stuck in Stern Bronson
Special Ed..
A beautiful girl
Light Skinned, Long hair
In the black community
We are perceived
.... as weak
An object...
To share
Or abuse..
And overuse
Where you went wrong
is. that. you
Believed it..
And gave in
To any and every dude
You walked off
And ended up
Never ending sleep
They found you
Dead on the side
Of some Benton Harbor street
Nothing but bones
Had to do an DNA test
To identify you
Because they didn't have..
Dental records
Apparently, you had never been
...to the dentist
In your 18 years
Of life..
Total
When we found out
They confirmed what we already knew
Somebody snatched you up
And killed you
Where we come from
There is no hope for
One single clue
An unsolved mystery
Is unsolved alright
But your blood is still
Present on someones hands
Forever, until he joins you
In his own grave..
Your memory will not be forgotten
Not by me as long as my fingers speak
The truth and how I see it
Ms. Ashley
Because for you..
I will write...
To keep your spirit alive
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