24

So...I partied like a damn rock star Thursday night, and Friday night... Tonight it is time to sit it down and do what I love most..write



Thursday- Blue Flame..In the heart of Bankhead... Straight hood.. But there was some beautiful women in there.. I wanted to see if I had game..and I do..I got some digits... ain't gonna use em..but it was just an experiment..I got game..lol



Friday- I went to Spondivitz..They burnt the crap out of my coconut shrimp..I wasn't impressed. I didn't send it back..didn't want them to do anything to my food. Then I went to yet another strip club w/ my indian friends.*Just giving you a description of who I was rolling with* Yet again..I had to see if my game was really tight..Yes it was..I macked this white girl called Shaquita..lol..what a stage name.... My boys told her it was my bday..and she grabbed my legs and wrapped them around her..You should have seen the guys faces around me..The thoughts that probably went through their heads.. My friend boys actually got mad..and treated me funny at Waffle House. I told them I wouldn't entertain their bullshit and told my boy to walk me to my car.

Anyway..like I said seeing if I could pick up strippers it was just an experiment...

But to this day..I haven't done the procedures. But I have a hypothesis...



Boy..I haven't gotten that tipsy since I was partying in HS w/ my bff *K*. I woke up Friday morning w/ a damn head ache cuz I drank red wine and patron..the two obviously don't mix.



Then this morning..I threw up.. I hate hangovers..



This afternoon I went to see the new Batman movie..It was pretty good..Even though I was lost a lil bit, cuz I really didn't know anything about Mr. bat himself... But Heath Ledger *sp* was awesome. I couldn't even tell that he was the Joker. He looked nothing like himself.... check it out if you haven't.. I wonder if his daughter will ever be comfortable watching that movie when she grows up? RIP Heath..and Bernie Mac...He was a chocolate handsome older man..He will be greatly missed.

Yes..I made it to 24....I want 70+ more...

*************************************************************
Here is a story

A lil bit about me

I am deep

Deeper than any

Ocean or Sea

A great mind

Sometimes has trouble

But the deciding factor

Is if that beautiful mind cracks

Forever...



I have been paranoid

About loosing my life

Ever since I was 16

And several of my friends

Were killed

Death intrigued me

Because I thought

I would be next

So why not

Prepare for it?



Some died in car accidents

While traveling on

Eau Claire roads

Leaving behind their body

And escaping with their souls

I experience suicide

Someone I was really close to

His sister and I

Were snowflake and mocha

Inseparable

..........We kicked it hard

But I knew him first

And it hurt my heart

Today he leaves behind

Once, his beautiful blond girl friend *doesn't blonde have an e?*

And his child

We were in high school

My junior year

I cheered @ his last game

against Berrien Springs

I will never forget it

Jennifer came and told me

@ work..

I was 16...

That he blew his head off

........With a shot gun

Which completely shattered me

Because he had the guts

To do that to "us"

The audacity

For him to leave

Behind his child



And knew I was next..

Death stalked me

I just figured

I would be the

Next target..

I sank deeper into depression

Because everything I saw

Was grey

I was just waiting

For mr. death

To come find me

and steal me away



I thought about dying

Each

And

Every

Day



And ideation

I need to get rid of

I'm getting closer

To a better place

I think that now

I am okay

With death waiting

For me

***************************************************************************

My name alone

Attracts drama into my life

I was named after a soap opera character

One of the baddest bitches I hear

On tv in the 80's...

I bet you can't guess..

If you don't already know.... :)

It's funny though

I sit back and laugh

At the stories

I will be able

To tell

Some about heaven

Some about hell

But in the end

It's all worth it

Because I was

Born into this world...

For a reason..

And I'm still alive

So I haven't achieved it

I am well rounded

Drop Dead Gorgeous

Vain.. only if you make me

I will flip my hair

In a minute

On stupid ass bitches

The one who have that gene

I always talk about

That I don't posses

Cuz I'm down to earth

And I love that

The most

About myself..

But that doesn't

Scare drama

It follows me

Everywhere..

Like it's trying to be

My best friend

I don't like to start it

It's always others

Causing harm

But when I find myself

In the mist of it all..

I think about falling

But look at me

Ya girl or not

Is still standing

And not writing

For only me anymore

I write for ya'll...

**************************************************************

I got fans

Is what my boy Snook

Used to say

He met me at the mall

On the way to my job

Back in Kalamazoo days

He wanted to "talk" to me

But I made him my boy

And we kicked it hard

Until I left Michigan

But he made me aware

That damnit

I am a star

So thank you

To all of my fans

The ones who stop by

And I do not know

You are a fan

Because you just stare

To afraid maybe

To show your face

But I won't bite

Actually I'm quite nice

But I just wanted

To take this time out

To say hello...

To those of you

I do not know....

08081984

Today..I am 24 years old...

The Indian ladies at my "new job" *let's see how long it last* thinks that I haven't graduated high school yet!! Exciting because I get to lie about my age..

N you better believe that I am....as of 08-08- 2008... I am 21 years old..I have a fake id..that lets me into everywhere.. But honestly I'm old...a tender 24... PPl at the door act like they know what year is what..so anyone can sneak in...

Sooo.. I went out w/ one of my boys..I'm in my pj's watchin both of the girls get cut off of "So you think you can dance" when my phone rings..

Baby girl is with her father.....I have no comment.. Me minus negativity...


Neway I answer.. "Let's go to blue flame" it's a strip club .....I really out grew that..a long time ago..But whatever...free drinks, and I drink nothing but Patron! Let's see some booty!!

So none the less I had fun..I am so tipsy right now..that its taking forever for me to type this,,,

Me signing out..

Birthdaygirl 08-08-08

Yuh

Well....

Ya girl...or the girl you love to hate.. how ever you see it..

Has a job now...

It's far as hell from home..

But it's doing what I want to do...

And it's at another Montessori school.. It's more money..so I won't feel like a damn slave..

Baby girl can go also!!

They are going to work around my school schedule too!!

I also got some great new's yesterday..

I passed this writing exam that I need to graduate! Wheew*...boy you should have saw me sweating..sitting next to my girl Jazz while we were taking that test..I need to call her and see how she did. I got the weirdest topics to write on..4 of them..

I finally picked something that went a lil bit like this..Pick a tv/movie character and tell why their character is appealing or unappealing...

I sat there baffled... Panicking really..

After about a half an hour..I finally picked House..I picked the opposite of unappealing because everyone knows he's an ass.. figured I would flip the switch..

Intro- Of course everyone sees House character as a cantankerous, lonely doctor who finds some way in a hour to solve a medical mystery every week..but he is the shit... **Nah, I didn't say that..but you get the idea***

Idea one- He's thorough

Idea two- He never gives up

Idea three- He has a disability, and it doesn't stop him

Conclusion- He is the shit

I actually thought I wouldn't pass...Even though I tend to pass everything except math.. But I'm excited that I did..one step closer to being where I want to...slowly but surly..slowly but surely..

So now I will bless you with this...

I love when people
Say that I'm evil
Because that just
Proves I'm not
It proves that
I'm a working angel
In progress..

Who has fallen before
Because my wings
Were stripped of air
Yet, I soared again
Because I learned
How to deal
With the steady winds
and constant storms
That I never have
An umbrella for
Because I can't flyy
And hold onto it
I might fall

I am a leo
We are anything but
Evil...
We take so much
Until we are forced
Basically we ain't
Got no choice
But...to eat you..
Once we are done
We clean ourselves up
Cuz you done made
Us get dirty
And lawd knows
We are just
Tooo damn pretty
To be rolling
in the dirt
w/ people who
Can't admit..
That they have issues..

***********************************************************************************************

And I can go on and on
You can't remix me
I'm the one and only
And I promise..
That the only thing
That I'm vain about
Is my poetry...
Cuz
.....It's so fucking pretty

It's raw
Just like having fun
When you know
Everythings safe
And you're in love
Come to me
And let me pin
Some of my poems
On your walls
Because I'm the realest
You'll get...
And you don't have
To travel far
I'm not hard to find
For now..it's
.....poetrynoir

The prettiest shit
What is it..
North or South
Of the Mason-Dixie line
I don't know anything
Bout direction
As you can see
By the way my life
Keeps flinging me
This-a-witch way
And I thought...
I was...
TIRED
I gotta say it
Bitch please

Ups and downs
That's what makes life
Somewhat interesting
Twisted fun
I swear I got stories to tell
If I could get them out
In a linear patter
My ish my just sell
Pinned up secrets
Just ready to be
Revealed..
And I think
I'm finally ready
That I can tell...

***********************************************************************************************

Well the violence
Has unmasked it's self
Back home
I talked to my Daddy
Said a 19 year old boy
Got shot in the chest
And died
On a street called Monroe

Black on Black violence
I don't like cliche's
So I know it won't ever end
But that doesn't mean
I can't hope..
For peace..

And the audacity
For me to have hope
Because being black
Means according to CNN
We are automatically targeted
We are looked down upon
As a black stain
That won't go away
And those who are weak
Chose not to try
To integrate
So they remain stagnant
These are the..
Robbers, murder, rapist
The one's hollerin at the liquor stores
What my grandma called Niggers

It's a mind set
And whom ever
killed lil buddy
Needs to repent
Because I believe
In the power of
Self forgiveness

But as I write this
I am sad for
He who lost his life
On Monroe
He wasn't the first
I wish it wasn't true
But I'm sure he won't be
The last..
To die leaving behind
Blood stained concrete and grass
Family and Friends
Who'll miss them
And who'll say their last goodbyes
As they lower them into the ground
As they cry..

McCoy

Thinking of my grandma last night made me think of where we came from...

My grandma had a lot of brothers..more than sisters *it was a lot of them*..

But I remember people in our family saying they don't want none of us..cuz we are the real McCoy..

From what I gathered from being a child is that we came from this family down in Kentucky who got into it with this family the Hatfields. 1878 is when the shit hit the fan. I learned that it was possibly started when one of the Hatfields wanted to marry one of my people. Of course the McCoys wasn't having it..and all hell broke loose. Then the Hatfields and McCoys got into it over a hog. Hatfields said it was theirs, and of course "we" had to dee-bo it..lol
The final straw was when one of the chicks from the McCoys..left and went to move to West VA to be with one of the Hatfield boys. The chick eventually went back home to the McCoys, but when she realized that she wasn't going to let them dictate her life...the McCoy men kidnapped her man. The guy who got kidnapped said this was too much, and married his ex's cousin...also a McCoy :)

The feud ended in 1891 after it had attracted media attention..the state government from both KY and VA stepped in. By the time it was over dozens of people were dead from both sides.

Okay..

So this is where I get my "whiteness" ya'll. My grandma had grey eyes, and the rest of her brothers and sisters either had hazel or blue..yes blue..I have one uncle now who is still living..High yellow with baby blue eyes....

But what I found while reacherching the feud was....

There has been some recent speculation in the press (Associated Press, April 6, 2007) that the feud may have been fueled in part by a rare tumor, pheochromocytoma ("pheo"), that sometimes leads to "hair-trigger rage and violent outbursts." In the McCoy family, pheos are one of the consequences of a rare disease known as Von Hippel-Lindau disease (VHL), which is prevalent among McCoy descendants.[9] The condition sometimes produces tumors of the adrenal gland (pheochromocytomas), leading to excess adrenaline production. According to the National Cancer Institute, most people interpret these surges as panic attacks or palpitations. Pheos occur also in the general population, and in families with any of five other genetic mutations.[10] wikipedia.com

And then...

Several genetic experts have known about the disease plaguing some of the McCoys for decades, but kept it secret. The Associated Press learned of it after several family members revealed their history to Vanderbilt doctors, who are trying to find more McCoy relatives to warn them of the risk.

Affected family members have long been known to be combative, even with their kin. Reynolds recalled her grandfather, “Smallwood” McCoy.
“When he would come to visit, everyone would run and hide. They acted like they were scared to death of him. He had a really bad temper,” she said.

"Medical folks like to find these kinds of explanations. Like the Salem witchcraft thing. That book came out about how that was caused by wheat that was grown that had this parasite or mold or fungus or something that caused everybody in Salem to go nuts,” she said.


Anyway...I just thought I would share a bit about where I originated from...we'll the one side at least..


I'm a real McCoy...

....

If you were here
I wouldn't have
Lasted this long
in this place
We call the "A"
I would have
come rushing home..
I would have thrown
This life away

Just to sit at
Your kitchen table
And look into your
Eyes..
While your admire
My baby..
But now I talk
To the sky

I know you're wringing
Your hands..
At all this stuff
I'm going through
But your life wasn't
Easy either
But look at what trouble
Made you...

The tales you told me..
As a child..
I listened..
and I watched..
Some brought tears
To my eyes
Because my grandma
was so strong..
and I knew one day
I would have to carry
Your legacy
Alone..

If you were here
We could have a toast
to my 24 years
Here on this
Tainted earth
Where I had
The most
Meaningful relationship
With the greatest person
You..
My grandmother..
The person to touch
Me..
First...


*****

I miss her so much. I was 6mts pregnant when she died. For the fact that my placenta felt like it was being ripped apart when I cried..I couldn't grieve. I suppressed it all..and til this day I can't really say that I have. I am crying as I'm typing this. I had a dream about her 2 nites ago..and she said to me "You haven't been looking for me"...I gave her a big hug..

The last time I talked to her, I was at my doctors appt. about to drink that nasty stuff to test to see if you have gestational diabetes. *funny she had diebites*..anyway..I loved Doc Martin shoes when I was in high school. I had worn a pair she bought me to the doctors that day *they had to be 2 or 3 years old*Which I never wore any more..something that day told me to wear them... I told her how much I weighed which was close to 170..and she told me I better stop eating so much. I remember looking down at my shoes..

I never thought that would be the last time that I would talk to her.

Happy Birthday Famous!

Happy Birthday to Famous!!

Four years ago she was brought into this world.

I remember the day we met.

The breeders house smelled so bad I was in such a hurry to make my exit with her..

But it was worth it because I got her.. She was smaller than my hand...

She hid underneath a pillow for about 2 days, because she had no idea where she was..

Pretty soon she was hitching rides around in my bra and built in tank tops..

Happy 4th Birthday Fame!