Stranger...

I have been gone for a few days...


I needed time to take in....


The nonsense happening around me... * I have a lot to write about* This post isn't it..


This is a very passionate subject....


My child...


I know half of the blog world thinks that I am a bad mother... and quite frankly I laugh at that thought.


And if you don't know..


I could care less what people think of me..


Because the people who sit back and judge me..


You have no idea...how much I love...my baby girl...


If that is you. Please take a look in the mirror.


*Disclaimer* I do not put my babys girl business out for the world to read. I don't put pictures of her up..because who know's hands they could get into. There are sick people out there, and I want to protect her from that. I won't put her name out here. Though it already is. Even though her image has already been viewed by I don't know who. But that wasn't my choice. I choose to keep her away from the life of the internet. That is of course until she can read/type..and make her own decision to desplay her image. One of my mentors who is a writer and has children conciously made a decision not to write about her children. She didn't want the world to be privy to their childhood. Some things are meant to be private. But this one..I couldn't hold back*****


I have a deep, in touch intuition.

My motherly instinct are so intune to my child. * I wake up right before she does EVERY TIME!! I haven't slept through the night in almost 4 yrs..you gotta count being pregnant** I learned in psychology that response has something to do with our hippocampus. **

Anyway...


I went to work early Thur. and got off work early.


Something was telling me all day to go to baby girls fathers store.. to pick her up..


I didn't call...


The element of suprise..


You always get caught when you aren't doing what you are supposed to do..


Traffic was bad anyway on my normal route..so I had to go through the city anyway.


I get to his place of business...


I notice cups of beer as I walk up..sitting next to his broke down friend.. I say broke down ya'll cuz that's how he looks. He was there during business hours so I was assuming he didn't have a job. I was upset because they were drinking around my daughter. I couldn't see them drinking apple juice.


So I go into the store and yell over the blearing music.."Where is 'name of my daughter?"


"She isn't here...I needed some more tags so she went w/ Angela and her husband to the store"...


"What store? And who are Angela and her husband. Don't let her go with just any body. I don't know these people"..I was fucking pissed..


"Angela watches the cash register when I'm not here. They went to CVS..They'll be right back".


"Oh." I walked out side..and sat down in one of the chairs. Livid..

I'm looking at this little bitty poodle tied up..


"Who's dog is this?"


"Angela"...I'm expecting a 30ish-40 year old..


I waited for about 15 minutes and CVS was right around the corner..and I'm like where is my child..?


"Do they have her car seat?"


"Yeah they in my car"...


"Well can you call them please?"


So he called...then he's like why don't you just leave her here. I thought you said I could keep her tonight? Blah Blah Blah.. But he obviously wasn't keeping her because she wasn't with him then.


No answer..


I felt hurt and betrayed because I don't never have let her be with random people.

I'm pissed...


Then I see my daughter walking with a balloon hand in hand with a "chick" no older than me. First thing I'm thinking is where is the husband??? Cuz I know that "racist word" said Angela had a husband. She didn't have a ring on..yes I looked when she got close enough.


Angela and my daughter were at the other corner crossing the street.


When she gets in distance to where I'm standing. I take my daughters hand..


And say " I don't let my daughter go with strangers. And I would appreciate it if you wouldn't take her with you any more. Please don't let me see or hear about this happening again. Nothing against you I just don't trust people with my daughter that I don't know."

How often does this chick drive I'm thinking if she didn't have her own vehicle and had to use his rental car? I'm sure she isn't on his insurance and what if something would have happened. HELL NO!!


Okay..first off...


I know ya'll are thinking ohh she's mad cuz her child's father is probably messing with the girl who he claims watches the cash register for him and takes our daughter and his son to get food and stuff while he's busy..


Not! If he is.. I would be excited. Because maybe he would stop focusing on me so much.


BUT I'M MORE MAD THAT SHE WAS WITH SOME CHICK WHO I KNOW HE DOESN'T KNOW FROM EVE.


I wouldn't have been mad, maybe a little concerned, if she was with maybe his friends wife that I've met before but what was he thinking?


I WOULDN'T EVEN LET PEOPLE HOLD HER WHEN SHE WAS A BABY..SO SHE HAD SEPARATION ANXIETY FOR 2 YEARS WHERE WE COULDN'T LEAVE HER.


I know deep down inside that he knew that I would be pissed off about this..

Now people I'm going to throw another twist in here. Bugs in GA are like terrorist. I hate them. So I try to stay away from areas infested with bugs. I have never had a tick latch on to my body. But my daughter has had 4. She is only three. She did not acquire these festations around me because when she was 24mts when she had her first one I didn't let her go outside. And if I didn't find them no telling what could have happened....

I know he will probably read this. I don't care. He doesn't comment anymore, but I know his eyes are watching. I think he is an excellent father* but when it comes to hygiene he doesn't have it. She will not be subjected anymore to filthiness.

She should never be put in the hands of strangers. My daughter has never been in a car with one of my friends alone. She's been with her babysitter before..but bump that other stuff.

So people am I wrong for not wanting her to be with that random girl?

Am I wrong because I feel that she shouldn't be subjected to possibly fatal insects *Lyme disease*?

Music Tag

"List seven songs that you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your spring summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to."

1. "Love In The Club "-- Part 1 w..just Usher and Jeezy....

then he has a Beyonce, Lil Wayne, TIP remix..then he got one with Kels.... All I know is that I love Jeezy's part..YUH! "I strongly doubt this velvet rope would hold me up..and I don't want security rolling up on us" Beyonce...

"And I don't want to stop..just because..all the people in the club is watching us..I don't give a damn what they say...It's the remix babyyyy!" Wayne

2. "Keep On Dreaming" Lyfe.. this song touched me.. As you can hear it is on my profile..

3. "Put On" Okay! I know..I know..but Kanye's part..

"I feel like it's still ***** that owe me checks... I feel like it's still bitches that owe me sex..." His lyrics are soo funny... Plus the beat is hot....

4. "Take A Bow" Rihanna- my bad if I spelled her name wrong..But girl is jammin... "Talkin bout girl I love you, you're the one..this just looks like a rerun..Please..."

5. "Wonderwall" Oasis" "Just maybeeee you're gonna be the one that saves me..and after alllll you're my wonderwalll"..

6. "Drive" Incubus "Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear..and I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear take the wheel and steer"...

7. "Spotlight" Jennifer Hudson... "Are you a guard in a prison maximum security..is that you? Do you stay home all of the time because you want me to yourself..is that you? ".......

Okay...I got a couple rap bangers...cuz ya'll know I got a lil bit of she thug in me..lol

I threw in some throw back joints..that will always be my fav..Oasis..and Incubus

A couple man bashers bangers..... Go Ri Ri N Jen..ya'll got spins w/ me..

I don't buy CD's unless I go to Old Natl' and hit up the bootleg man.. 5 for 10..man.. I haven't been to see him in a long time though..

Okay I tag...

Stupid Sonny Purdue

We'll thanks to your Governor Sonny Purdue Atlanta we will now have mentally ill people running around even more than now with out any help*Thanks to his budget shift*, while everyone who is "licenced" can carry guns in public places..some that serve alcohol *Thanks to this ridiculous gun law that will go into affect pretty soon here folks..Sometime in July*

Wow...

I wonder sometimes how people like Bush and Purdue get into power?

Money... They have it all..

And love taking it away from people who need it the most...

6.6 MILLION dollars was shifted from mental health care to fill other holes in the state budget..says the ajc..

There is nothing I can type that will change this...

But I'm sure we will see the affects of both of his decisions...

*****There needs to be an age limit in such elections..because the older men get I say men cuz they tend to mess stuff up..when they have political power..I think the more they make stupid decisions.. We will be in for it ppl if McCain gets elected..He's headed for the nursing home..****

Just Curious

I've seen her show maybe twice....

While watching I was wondering about the state of reality tv... anybody can be a reality tv star..

It is addicting...

But Tila Tequila is about chick above searching for love...

She is bi sexual...

And to me she looks like an alien in the face... but her body is attractive..I wonder if her ladies are real?

When I was watching it last she narrowed it down to a dude and a girl...

This had me wondering...

If all women are curious?