Fired on Friday..

I got fired today..

How about this..I had a dream about this last week..

So there will be no need for that parent teacher conference ya'll suggested..

Yesterday, I stormed into the office telling them that I needed to leave so I could go to my financial aid office at school. They said I couldn't leave, but I could leave after the field trip today..

We aren't supposed to be on our phones.. I'll admit I've been caught before..so honestly it is no surprise that I got fired.

I was using my phone while taking the kids outside. I was trying to get everything straightened out with school. *Which I also am probably not going to school because my grant won't be ready until after school starts. So unless I can pay out of pocket, and then get reinbursted* So no school no job..I'm pretty much..not shit..

I guess someone told, or they saw me on the phone..

They said that this was hard for them..because I am so good with the kids..

And that I could reapply in a couple of months and they would reconsider..

I am devistated none the less, because I actually liked my job. Yet, I'm not suprised that I got fired, because I believe I've gotten fired from almost every job I had.

There is something wrong with me..Well duh obviously...I'm starting to wonder if I will ever have a normal life. You know one that I can sustain ya know like a job..

I either say or do something stupid and then I go flying out of the door.

I am going to miss my babies more than anything. I couldn't even say goodbye cuz I didn't want to show my emotions and cry. I barely walked out of there without ballin' but I made it out of the door, and into my car before my eyes started to thunder storm.

So right now...

I don't know how to feel..or what to do..

I have my baby girl to take care of.. and nothing to take care of her with..

Everything happens for a reason right?

I wonder what the reason is this time?

My birthday is 2 weeks away..

I wonder if I'll make it to see it.. cuz honestly I never thought I would..

08.08.08

Maybe it's a sign..

Race

I'm back... a lil wide eyed today..

I got some rest last night...So much I had the urge to call in today..

But I didn't...

And of course...my day gives me something to blog about...

Interracial relationships...First off I would like to say that the part of the CNN documentary "Black in America" or whatever it was called..*I have been hearing a lot of negative comments about it* was the part focused on interracial relationships..

The woman they had one there..black and was married to a white man. They had to beautiful biracial children. The wife said that his family had made remarks about how they couldn't believe that he had black children. The husband said that the family deeply regrets those comments.

I'm sure there is a lot of uneasiness when they have family gatherings..

Being racist is taught..

It starts from home..

You know how you always walk up on stuff exactly at the moment that you need to?..

Well today I was going to get milk out of our fridge in the classroom..and the lil vanilla girl said "White people go first, and black people go last"...

@ the table there were two white kids and two black kids..

I couldn't believe my ears..

I said "What did you say?" She looked surprised..

She said that she didn't know.

I asked the other kids what she said..and of course they told me..

I was speechless..

Usually I would issue a timeout or something..

But all I could do was walk away and shake my head... glad that lil chick that made the comment goes home @ 3.

Tomorrow I am going to talk to her...

So..I get home..and my bff..*K* who lives in MI..Who I miss very much called me.

To get to the nitty gritty...

She is Korean..her man is white..

She was adopted by two white people..so she basically is white..

She said " I have never had anyone point my race out like this before"

Her boyfriends sister apparently has add and is bipolar *She doesn't know about me by the way* so she is just going on about this and that.. How she beats her mom. She doesn't handle social situations well because she blurts out information that no one wants to hear like "I am so horny I haven't had sex in forrrever"..*K* told me this..She apparently pushes everyone away...

The sister is 16. The youngest out of her brothers and sisters.

And apparently she likes to point out the fact that *K* is Asian.

She always calls her "Hey asian".. or one time she was reading a book, and the sister said "I didn't know Asians read"..WTF..

So I decide while talking to *K* to go to lil sis's myspace..I couldn't cuz it's blocked..

I signed in under *K* and I saw it.. She is a cute lil girl. But she is very disrespectful. She has captions under *K*'s pictures like "Another Asian :)".. And "Gay, she's Asian"..What the hell..

And her brother *K*'s boyfriend didn't do much about the situation.

His reaction was we all make fun of you..a lil bit.. Hell no..

I have had my share of interracial relationships..

And a share of them..their families weren't too thrilled that I was "colored'..

I loved some vanilla..but one thing that I realized that we would always have to deal with race issues.
I always felt self conscious in the presence of their families.

So if this would have happened to me..

It would have went something like this...

Sister: "Hey Nigger"

Me: First off all depending on the emotion I pick..

I could cry.. I could punch her in the face..I could walk away..

But I know one thing..if my man didn't stand up for me and say that is in no way tolerated..then I would bounce..hurt feelings and all..

Because race is something that people cannot change...


From what she has been telling me..It sounds like she is not happy. I think they've been together for four years..and of course love tends to fizzle..and people stay because they are comfortable, and afraid to try anything new. Afraid of the void that they will feel without that person. So I told her not to settle just because she has been there so long. She wants to get married, but I don't know if it's just for the sake of saying that shes married. She had this time limit thing..well the time has gone and past..He didn't ask her yet.. I told her that she needs to check the race issue with his family, or that she would be hurting forever..


That's it..

Thanks ya'll for checking on me..

Hope ya'll have a happy Friday...

I have lots of stuff to say...

But I am so tired..

That I cannot formulate thoughts that I want to share..

I have 3 drafts saved..but I'm not pleased..

I usually just write..then post..

But tonight..I feel blah..

So sorry..those of ya'll who do stop by...

My daily conclusion..

I have come to the conclusion..

That little boys..

ARE BAD AS HELL..

I mean are the little suckers born with horns or something??

My goodness..

The boys @ the school are the ones always fighting..and throwing wood chips..pushing people off of the swings..PEEING AND NUMBER 2-ING ON THEMSELVES...

One of the directors son..who is 4 flipped over a table because he was mad at the science teacher..

Then get this..all of the "disobedient" kids are in one classroom. Talk about stress..

When I get to work this morning, early I go into the "bad ass kids classroom"...

We go outside to let them play..

The lil dude* who isn't in the bad kids class, but needs to be* who is ALWAYS crying because he wants his mom..at inappropriate times..

Busted out crying when I spoke to him this morning..

It was so funny..me and the other teachers let out a giggle..

I have no sympathy for him..I am sorry.. I'm guessing he knows that I don't like him.. and I don't not like too many kids..but I have my list at that school..and when they fall or hurt themselves..I do not rush to do anything..unless their eyeball is hanging out..I've seen shelves fall on the bad asses because they decided to pull it down on themselves..I've seen a bad ass fall off of the stairs because he didn't want to listen to his mom..all I could do was giggle to myself..and say that's what you get!

But let something happen to one of my babies..the ones that I love..I'm right there!

Am I wrong? If so....Too bad..

Anyway that was the punch line of my day..

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Okay so the best post of the day..is mikes..about the haters..I couldn't have said it better..

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Silence in my world
Is just how I like it
Almost like I'm deaf
Only without the
.......Sign Language

Voices that invade my space
Who blow hot air
From the pit of despair
Are just wasting time
Because I'm not listening
and I quite frankly
I don't care

Because just like
If I was deaf
You would learn
My language
I wouldn't read lips
So I'm not hearing you
Talk shit

Random..and a Poem..

Okay..

So it is so hot..That I have an attitude.

Mad about recess.

Mad about the outdoor smell that lingers until you take a shower..

Mad about the sticky feeling...

Anyway..So I was a bit grumpy today..

Nap time: went terrible..because this lil dude who is a cry baby kept waking everybody up with his crying. I can't take crying man..Especially if it's for no reason. I have no sympathy for that bull shit. Suck it up..and lay on that mat..damnit... is what I'm thinking. Instead I give him dirty looks and basically ignore him.. trying to tune out his cry..Which is so annoying. It's the ugliest cry I've heard. Pray for me ya'll..cuz this kid has been crying for 4 weeks straight..ARRGH! And nobody wants to trade him out.. :(


So while trying to ignore the cry baby..I braided my students hair..Had to flat iron it first cuz her hair draws up into the nappiest afro. It's pretty long once I put that heat to it...She put up a bit of a fuss..she kept moving her head which made the parts come out crooked..which meant I had to start over... and over again.

Finally got it done.. around 3:30... she has a cornrowed Mohawk!

Then after work..

I had to buy some type of groceries..And I was tired..so tired..I decided to stop at a store by my sitters house..She told me to go to Aldi..or however you spell that shit..I know I won't be going back.. Bootleg store..

Sure... there milk is 2.99 but I had to pay a quarter to get a shopping cart..

Then they don't have any bags..you have to buy them.. Then they had 2 cashiers..with 38 people in line..lol..

The people in the parking lot..looked at me cross when I didn't push the damn cart back to the front of the store..Usually I do put it in the cart thing-a-migy, but I already had an attitude about the .25. So somebody got a free cart thanks to me.

To top it off I didn't put enough water in my rice..so it was crunchy a lil bit.. I hate when that happens.. :(
My curry chicken wasn't quite right.. Can't have chicken w/ out the rice..so nonetheless I'm hungry as we speak..
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People these days
Men and Women
Are dreaming up
Somethings..
That they never imagined
But could believe it
Once it was done

Spectrum's in the sky
Leads me to believe
In you, more than I
I believe that
You..are traveling
At the speed of light
On some other shit
Like Jeezy
You're light years away
Way out of reach
But my belief
In you
Will not get me far..
So I will take it
How it comes
I don't ever want to
Stop gazing @ the stars..

Yeah..titles are stupid..so I get little..

I can..
Admit I was wrong
Before in life
That I am a sinner
Just like everyone else
But I can forgive
What about other folks?
They get little
And dip out..

I Repent..
I don't believe, to one Man
But to my Creator
Who created us
Not in vain..

I believe that "it" forgives me
So I could care less..
ABOUT ANYONE ELSE!!
I can admit to being normal
To having suicidal thoughts
Before in life..
To not being right
But I wasn't wrong
For asking for help
Now I've got it under control
Can't nobody tell me shit
So don't even think..
To part your lips..
Until you got a plan
To your great escape..
From this life
That reeks
Of bull shit

Love makes people
Homicidal
Because of the feelings
Tied within
If it doesn't work out
The person who is in love
The most...
Well, their head spins..
And if they aren't weak hearted
Well then they except it..
Just like nappy hair
That somehow got parted..

For example:
Look at OJ and Nicole
He killed her
CUZ SHE MOVED ON
He couldn't take it
And look what happened..
In a life that is
In NO WAY right
He stabbed her an Ron Goldman
One summer night
When I was in
About the 5th grade
I was with my mom's best friend
Michelle..in Kzoo..watching the news
She told me then..
A scorned man..
Will most definitely
Try to deal you a hand
That is in no way..kind
She told me to always be
One step ahead..

I have been UNHAPPY
To the point..
Where I thought
I wouldn't return
I didn't have ANYTHING for myself
But her..
So my soul burned
In turmoil

Then I gathered
All of the pieces of me
No longer discombobulated
I've got it together..
I am cold..
Better grab a sweater..

Prayed to my creator..
No longer..
Can I be a hater..
I will get little

Before
I
Let
That
Happen


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I'm a hustler right.

I braid hair..

Learned from a chick that I went to HS with..

Anyway..So this lil chick @ the school I teach at..well her hair is always looking a hot mess.

Her mom works for the CDC..and is always gone..

My poor baby is raising herself..

She is attached to me now..

I mean she will cry and pitch a fit if she isn't with me..@ school..

I have to admit..she has a chunk of my heart..

So I've braided her hair once *one other teacher used to do it* before she quit..

So...I needed to take the braids I did down..

She cried..and stomped her feet.while I was trying to watch Hannah Montana...

Her mom was telling her she was going to get a consequence if she didn't straighten up..

To make a long story short..

I took all of the braids out.. which took 3 plus hours.. the texture of the hair does matter..

And left.. to go pick up my baby girl..


Her mom is going to wash it..and hopefully tomorrow..while my nappers are sleeping..I can do it...

With out any problem I hope..

Anyway..

I'm sleepy..extremely..since last night..or yesterday I went to bed @ almost 7 am..

So I'll holla..

..................

It is 6:04 am..and I'm awake!! Amazingly. Usually I pass out around 11ish. My cousin Nikia texted me earlier to see what I was up to. I had an headache earlier..and slept the whole day after cleaning up. Baby girl was with her father. I went and picked her up this morning though after we went out. She came over..flat ironed her hair..we got dressed...and off we went. I haven't gone out all summer! And I don't miss it. Unless I'm making money. I done grew up!!


Then I think...

..if I don't go out..how am I suppose to find someone to fall in love w/..or to fall in love w/me..how ever it works..

Where do I find love.. Publics?

But I don't care..men are trouble.would rather do w/ out right now..

Boy..We went to the Under Ground. Since Buckhead closed it's doors to the clubs, Kenny's Alley is the spot for all of "us" to party!!! Yeah right..I don't like it. Anyway we went to my old job where I previously cocktailed..to see my play cousin Keisha who is a bartender *who I went to Daytona w/*. Anyway talk about hood. That's why I had to stop working there..because I wasn't making any money. But I had fun though!

I looked cute. I wore a fitted dress..w/ lots of colors....that I can describe..but it was hott! Will have pictures once they post them! **I saw my boy Marius..who I lost touch w/ since the lemonade ruining my phone..but he's like one of the picture guys at the club..so he clicked..clicked us a lot!** I danced..and my hair started to curl up..so I had to sit it down..

When...

I spilled a drink on my old VIP manager..who looks like Maia Campbell. Absolutely beautiful..but sometimes her attitude isn't cute. She likes to mess with ppl's money. Including mine..I felt bad..but then I thought about it later....my bad..It only got on her jeans anyway..Get em dry cleaned..

Then I spilled a drink on my cousin...lol...so I didn't get to drink at all really cuz I was spilling it all over the place!! I had to drive anyway!!

So now we are sitting here..She is on the other couch. I am typing away. We are silent. It's cool when you can be around a person, and dip into your own world..and them be cool w/ it.

I haven't stayed up this long for leisure in a long time. Probably since my early college years back in K-zoo..Me and snook..*my boy wil who was welcome on venus* just cool..we both liked the color purple. He used to spend the night on my couch..after we both passed out from laughing all night. He was a cool dude who respected me. He never tried anything..after he asked for my phone number..and I told him I wasn't looking for a man..Just a big brotha..he said Okay..and he found me on facebook about three weeks ago..

Yeah I'm tired...cuz I have no idea if this even makes sense...

So I'm going to bed..

And tune in later for regular schedule programing..


Smooches***

Me!!