10.17.08

I've seen and read, but never realized that fiction almost always has some type of character with a disability. "Of Mice and Men," "Memoirs of a Geisha," "The Darkest Child," "The Color Purple," comic book characters ie. Batman has it's share of mentally ill evil guys. The disability can be visible(physical) or invisible(mental, sometimes) and are perpetuated by the media in a way that I don't know if I'm too pleased with.

For instance I was watching Law and Order: SVU the other night, and Stablers daughter supposedly is mentally ill. She apparently inherited the gene from her grandmother, which is Stablers mother. Whom he's ashamed of. I missed the beginning, but I gathered that his daughter had been doing a whole lot of things that were erratic. Stabler gave some evidence up on his daughter, because jail was the only place where his daughter could be forcefully medicated. So Olivia goes to find Stablers mother, to make a long story short..His mother described how Stabler was ashamed of her because she was always high strung and eccentric. She told Olivia that one night she was driving with her husband and Stabler in the snow, and thought she was chasing snowflakes. Due to her hallucination she crashed, and Stablers arm was broken. The grandmother then agrees to go talk to the granddaughter to get her to agree to take medicine. She convinces her. Stablers daughters last words to her grandmother were "Do you think I'm crazy?" The grandmother replied, "I think you're just different darling." Something along those lines...

You never see a "mentally ill" person who has their shit together. Why can't we see a representation of a person who takes their meds, a person who runs a support group, a person who goes to therapy? I understand, but at the same time, I have no clue.

*******************



CRASH
That is all I remember
When I busted into that tree
That cold, drafty, December
I didn't have my seat belt on
....And now I'm a quadriplegic
I've been told that I'm lucky
That I don't need a trache to breathe
I can turn my head
So I am able to look where I please

I remember when he first saw me
In traction in room 203
He came in strong
He came prepared
Until he internalized
That I could not move
Like I once did
My beautiful limbs
Forced now...
To be frozen still
My brain is still alive
He realized as so did I
That my body
As I knew it in the past
...Was dead
He rubbed my hand
As I starred into space
Because I couldn't believe
That I would no longer
Enjoy my husbands stroke
...inside of me
EVER EVER AGAIN
And before this happened
We were planning to have kids..

That was three years ago
And he's still here
Treating me just the same
Only now has to bend down to kiss me
I can still feel my lips
And how I wish to stand
Eye level with him
Just once again
Instead I've found a home
Right in my chair
And our intimate life
Is a little different
But please believe
It is still there
I am just glad
That he's still here
And that he's not ashamed
Of his wife
........Or her disability
Or this gift of a chair

Wow!

The debate was very spine tingling tonight. I think my man B did excellent. McCain looked like a angry oompa loompa. I hope he knows that the camera was on him the whole time. Looking like a damn fool. He was blinking so hard when B was talking, and he couldn't even look at him. Barack didn't hardly write a thing, while on the other hand Mcain wrote a essay on that note pad of his. I hope he knows that his image perpetuates a hostile, cantankerous, cranky, nursing home bound, elderly person, who doesn't need to be running nowhere but to the bathroom, or to the grave.On CNN the polls went flat line when McCain was talking about Palin being qualified for the job if he should pass. By golly I think we are in trouble.

You don't want to spread the wealth around McCain? Us poor folk can't get a tax cut huh McCain? This man has 9 something houses right? How greedy can these corporations be? Rich and irresponsible. Whatever billion that bail out was will it trickle down to us the common man? Hell to the no. Everything is going up except the pay rate. People are angry, cranky, and simply fed up. I can't stand to live under another 4 years of BushCain doctrine. He would be better than Palin any day, so I hope he lives if he wins. Because gosh darn it God Bless American.

I wonder if my grandmother and all the women in the 60's thought that Dr. King was fine? Did they sit around and talk about how sexy he was like me and other females do when it comes to O? I know I love me some B. He knows that he looks good in a suit. Go head!

*******************************

Do you ever watch a film or tv show
And wish you had a perfect romance
That your favorite characters get to portray?
I know that the "Titanic"
Makes me believe
In love, and if I were drowning in a sea
That my love
Would sacrifice them self
And not let me freeze

Because I would do the same
For them in the time of need
But love turns it's back often
Because people forget
That falling in love feel

*********************************

I think I'm fallin' off with this poetry thing. I need some damn inspiration. I can't find it..goodness..It always returns. It always has since I've been 13. Have a wonderful day!

A lil somethin somethin

***Question: Would you consider dating a person who would be considered a good catch, who was not registered to vote, or if they were registered had no intentions of going to the poll and voting BO in? I heard this question posed on Frank's morning show V103 a couple of days ago, and I wanted to know what ya'll think? If there is a ya'll..People been dropping off the blogger planet lately. So who knows what's up..*****

Okayhere is a little catch up if you care about what's been going on with me. If not scroll down until you hit my poem if that's how I tickle your fancy..

Exhale** I need a breathe of fresh air. I am barely breathing over here, I'm so stressed out. There is too much to tell in detail, and I really don't feel like getting into it anyway. Let's me just sum it up. My job is really stressful. I'm fed up with the owner who is Asian being too cheap to turn the air on. I'm sick of sweating my edges out. Haha! I'm tired of the disabled children who beat the shit out of me, disrupt the whole class, and don't listen being main streamed. I'm tired of the director who happens to be Indian *they are cool, except as a boss. Then they take it overboard. I'm talking about the women, because they feel some sense of power over someone finally. Then they abuse it,* telling me "Why don't you do this, or that?" No. Why don't you shut the hell up, or get up from that damn chair and help me with these rowdy ass kids? Today I was fed up, and totally ignored her, and rolled my eyes. I don't care at this point if I get fired, cuz damnit I'm thinking of just saying "I QUIT." Got me mopping and sweeping floors like Cinderella, because they are too cheap to hire somebody to clean the place. I am damn tired.

Then school is kicking my ass because I feel like I don't have enough time to get anything done. I'm tired of time limits on quizzes, and test. Damnit, some people don't work well under pressure. I am one of them. Now it's cool if I know my class is 50 mins or a hour and fifteen mins, and I have the entire class period to do it. I'm cool then, but this you got 40 mins to answer these many questions, and write two perfect essays.

I feel as if I need some ADHD medicine or something, because I can't damn pay attention. I blurt out crap, even though most of the time I'm right, it still is inappropriate at times. I feel a bit depressed thinking about that right there. Depression hurts. Now if ya didn't know that is what my main polar is. Sadness is a virtue that I seek to escape. I can't let myself sink into that place. I can't wait until December so I can rest. Geeze..I will make it one way or another.


I step outside of myself often
When it comes to my poems
They are not only
My personal confessional
They are a true testament
Of representations that I see
I just reflect them
Hoping that you can step outside
Of the image
You've painted of me

But today
I am self centered
This is all about me
Brace ya self
Cuz I got some shit to say

Britney's new song says
Men are womanizers
Repeatedly, it's a trend
And just like she said
"They say that I'm crazy
I got yo crazy"
No matter what
I'm still drop dead
Crazy or not
I turn damn heads
That's what you call gorgeous
I am not conceited
I'm just soaking it all in
While I still got it
Hate me why don't ya
Cuz I love it!

The male gaze
I'm guessing is..
Why they can't stop
Gazing at me
It makes me self conscious
Makes me think
I got something hideous on my face
I don't think I'm all that hype
Even though I know I'm blessed to be
This damn flyy..


Okay..this isn't political or anything. Just me having fun with Noir. I'm really too damn tired quite frankly darlin's to give you more than this..O well..Have a good one..

I'm here!

I am so freakin' tired. I didn't think I could be this exhausted. Ya girl or not is burried under so much homework, that I'm struggling to get this out. It's 1:00 in the a.m. and I gotta go to class @ 8:25 in the morning. I hope I make it there. So, I don't have much. I just figured I would stop by my own blog, and leave a message that I'm alive. Just super tired! I miss visiting my favorite blogs..Don, VP, Dreamy (although I heard that she dipped out on me) Mike, and Muze!!!