Stranger...

I have been gone for a few days...


I needed time to take in....


The nonsense happening around me... * I have a lot to write about* This post isn't it..


This is a very passionate subject....


My child...


I know half of the blog world thinks that I am a bad mother... and quite frankly I laugh at that thought.


And if you don't know..


I could care less what people think of me..


Because the people who sit back and judge me..


You have no idea...how much I love...my baby girl...


If that is you. Please take a look in the mirror.


*Disclaimer* I do not put my babys girl business out for the world to read. I don't put pictures of her up..because who know's hands they could get into. There are sick people out there, and I want to protect her from that. I won't put her name out here. Though it already is. Even though her image has already been viewed by I don't know who. But that wasn't my choice. I choose to keep her away from the life of the internet. That is of course until she can read/type..and make her own decision to desplay her image. One of my mentors who is a writer and has children conciously made a decision not to write about her children. She didn't want the world to be privy to their childhood. Some things are meant to be private. But this one..I couldn't hold back*****


I have a deep, in touch intuition.

My motherly instinct are so intune to my child. * I wake up right before she does EVERY TIME!! I haven't slept through the night in almost 4 yrs..you gotta count being pregnant** I learned in psychology that response has something to do with our hippocampus. **

Anyway...


I went to work early Thur. and got off work early.


Something was telling me all day to go to baby girls fathers store.. to pick her up..


I didn't call...


The element of suprise..


You always get caught when you aren't doing what you are supposed to do..


Traffic was bad anyway on my normal route..so I had to go through the city anyway.


I get to his place of business...


I notice cups of beer as I walk up..sitting next to his broke down friend.. I say broke down ya'll cuz that's how he looks. He was there during business hours so I was assuming he didn't have a job. I was upset because they were drinking around my daughter. I couldn't see them drinking apple juice.


So I go into the store and yell over the blearing music.."Where is 'name of my daughter?"


"She isn't here...I needed some more tags so she went w/ Angela and her husband to the store"...


"What store? And who are Angela and her husband. Don't let her go with just any body. I don't know these people"..I was fucking pissed..


"Angela watches the cash register when I'm not here. They went to CVS..They'll be right back".


"Oh." I walked out side..and sat down in one of the chairs. Livid..

I'm looking at this little bitty poodle tied up..


"Who's dog is this?"


"Angela"...I'm expecting a 30ish-40 year old..


I waited for about 15 minutes and CVS was right around the corner..and I'm like where is my child..?


"Do they have her car seat?"


"Yeah they in my car"...


"Well can you call them please?"


So he called...then he's like why don't you just leave her here. I thought you said I could keep her tonight? Blah Blah Blah.. But he obviously wasn't keeping her because she wasn't with him then.


No answer..


I felt hurt and betrayed because I don't never have let her be with random people.

I'm pissed...


Then I see my daughter walking with a balloon hand in hand with a "chick" no older than me. First thing I'm thinking is where is the husband??? Cuz I know that "racist word" said Angela had a husband. She didn't have a ring on..yes I looked when she got close enough.


Angela and my daughter were at the other corner crossing the street.


When she gets in distance to where I'm standing. I take my daughters hand..


And say " I don't let my daughter go with strangers. And I would appreciate it if you wouldn't take her with you any more. Please don't let me see or hear about this happening again. Nothing against you I just don't trust people with my daughter that I don't know."

How often does this chick drive I'm thinking if she didn't have her own vehicle and had to use his rental car? I'm sure she isn't on his insurance and what if something would have happened. HELL NO!!


Okay..first off...


I know ya'll are thinking ohh she's mad cuz her child's father is probably messing with the girl who he claims watches the cash register for him and takes our daughter and his son to get food and stuff while he's busy..


Not! If he is.. I would be excited. Because maybe he would stop focusing on me so much.


BUT I'M MORE MAD THAT SHE WAS WITH SOME CHICK WHO I KNOW HE DOESN'T KNOW FROM EVE.


I wouldn't have been mad, maybe a little concerned, if she was with maybe his friends wife that I've met before but what was he thinking?


I WOULDN'T EVEN LET PEOPLE HOLD HER WHEN SHE WAS A BABY..SO SHE HAD SEPARATION ANXIETY FOR 2 YEARS WHERE WE COULDN'T LEAVE HER.


I know deep down inside that he knew that I would be pissed off about this..

Now people I'm going to throw another twist in here. Bugs in GA are like terrorist. I hate them. So I try to stay away from areas infested with bugs. I have never had a tick latch on to my body. But my daughter has had 4. She is only three. She did not acquire these festations around me because when she was 24mts when she had her first one I didn't let her go outside. And if I didn't find them no telling what could have happened....

I know he will probably read this. I don't care. He doesn't comment anymore, but I know his eyes are watching. I think he is an excellent father* but when it comes to hygiene he doesn't have it. She will not be subjected anymore to filthiness.

She should never be put in the hands of strangers. My daughter has never been in a car with one of my friends alone. She's been with her babysitter before..but bump that other stuff.

So people am I wrong for not wanting her to be with that random girl?

Am I wrong because I feel that she shouldn't be subjected to possibly fatal insects *Lyme disease*?