Some Kind of Therapy

So those thoughts lead me to..My bff doesn’t know about my b.p. I know she probably would accept me and it.But eehh..Don't wanna go there yet.So I was watching on of my myspace friends youtube today and she is all about anti stigma for b.p. She was saying how people shouldn’t be ashamed and go out and knock down the stigmas for the mentally ill. I don’t know if I’m ready to do that yet with certain friends and family. Most, not all of my friends in GA know, and they don’t treat me any different. But I have two particular friends who know and are always like “Did you take your meds” blah blah blah..and that’s cool because I know they care. But I couldn’t imagine having I don’t know all those people asking me the same damn questions.And then another factor comes into play once people know, they can use it against you. Wow in so many ways. I’ll let your imagination fill in the blanks.
I remember my mom and I driving down Napier Ave. by the mall in the city where I’m from *she had come to get me from my co-op job at a special needs school*, and she saw one of her co-workers driving beside us.

“She’s bipolar” she said. And then I stopped listening because she was talking down about the woman. I was the wrong person to be saying those types of statements to; because at the time I had my mind made up that I was going to be a special education teacher focused on emotionally impairment. I know now, and then about every mental, physical, emotional, psychological disorder there is, and it hurt me the way she disregarded the fact that she was a human being with faults, just like herself.
Honestly people are afraid of what they don’t know. And I don’t want people to be afraid of me. So, I don’t know when I’ll be brave enough to stand up and shout. That my brain is unbalanced, and that I’m putting the wrong chemicals out!!!
I’m having trouble enough swallowing these 5 pills, 6 if I want to sleep..everyday.Calm down ppl..three of them are only 25mg = up to 75mg. Sometimes I want to be in denial. Then I think back to all my rollercoaster days, and I don’t want that any more for myself. I need to be able to take this crap every day consistently. Somehow I cannot some days make myself, so I skip. The next day it happens..what is happening now. I’m up all night because my body has to readjust. I have a photo shoot tomorrow and I know I’ll look like crap. I hope the make up artist is good. So this is my saying good night, hopefully.