Back on the Couch

I’ve been gone for a minute now and the world has changed. Our country will be now in the hands of President elect Barack Obama. He is level headed and intelligent. He is a captivating man and also we have “something” to look at. Barack is handsome no doubt and I don't even dig light skinned dudes for the most part. My heart beat accelerates whenever I see/hear him speak. I think I have a crush on the president!!

I wonder if my grandmother and her friends sat around and talked about how fine Dr. King and Malcolm X were?

This is a time of change. I can say that the year 2008 for me has been nothing but change.

I’ve changed jobs like underwear. * I got a new one taking care of this guy who is autistic. Wish me luck I start tomorrow*

I’ve taken total acceptance and control of my health.

I have forgiven myself and others for harm caused.

I have learned how to trust myself.

I have silenced a presence in my life and am unsure of the pleasuring qualities within the quietness.

I put a halt on my social networking life.

I started this blog!!

I stopped writing in notebooks and just got used to hitting the “post” button.

I’ve ran away from some pretty good opportunities.

I have accepted that I punked out on many occasions.

I have gained a new way of thinking about this white male capitalistic patriarchal society that we live in.

I now believe in social conspiracy theories.

My philosophy hasn’t changed regarding everything that happens is supposed to happen.

2008 has reinforced that “we” are place in the correct place and time that is meant.

I voted for the first time during this election!

The world has changed and has other countries celebrating the joyous victory of President Obama! He is destined to walk in this moment. This is his time!!

This is my time for therapy..I'm back on the couch..


I haven’t been to therapy in a while
So I am uncomfortable sitting straight up on the couch
I’m about to sprawl out
Unsure of what to say
Struggling to find a place to start
I am going to take a deep breath
And begin to blurt out stuff…
Shrinking myself…. through my art

I am a woman of color
Who is supposedly sexy
Not to mention intelligent
And most defiantly interesting
Who has a “mental illness”
Known as manic depression
P.S. just a side note
If ya’ll didn’t know
I strongly dislike those two words
I always drop the crazy bomb
It doesn’t bother me
Unless you use it inappropriately
Like the word nigger or bitch
Watch your context
In the presence of me
Due to those factors
I name above
Societies hegemonic dominate ideologies
Automatically mark me as oppressed
I am supposed to wear high heels
Shaping garments under a dress
Take my husbands last name
And be forced to take meds
Just to fit into a normalcy construct
That is imagined to be there
Because nobody is normal
Everybody is fucked up..
It’s a matter of acceptance
And taking a seat on the couch

I have admitted to the blog world
About my “disease”
That is degenerative
Therefore it is imperative
That I take what is prescribed
Drugs that pump through my veins
That I am hesitant that I need
Yet convinced when I have a “mood” swing
I wonder if the meds could be killing me?
Causing more harm than good
Creating artificial chemicals
That my brain doesn’t make naturally?
That I wish it could

I am in the closet
Pretending that I lost the key
But it’s in my back pocket
Because I am afraid
Of unlocking the door
To society’s knocking
My “family” and best friends don’t know
They toss the word bipolar around
Like it’s a damn ball
They believe that they are perfect
The epitome of the construct of normalcy
Ideologies that enforce
If your brain is altered in any way
You are labeled as less of a person
And referred to as disabled
I have valid reason
To be insecure
Of how they will view me
Once they know
That I go sit on a shrinks couch
And attend some kind of therapy..


Wheew..I feel better..It's a start..I need to get back into the groove of things. I need to find some inspiration. I need to find some energy to do what I love more than my daughter..