*********Was going to TRY and proofread..but I don't give a damn so whatever..
Okay..I have wayyyyy more good days than I do bad days..So today was one of the doozies I will remember forever. If you scroll down I said this week would be interesting.
I don't even want to try to put together a sentence right now. I am so upset at myself. This is what I love best, and somehow I've lost a part of me. I apparently don't know where to insert a comma, or maybe I'm just afraid
of the "overuse" of a comma? My word choices are iffy, and I just all around suck. Now, it's no ones fault but my own. Arrgh..I don't feel like going into specifics, but all I can say is..
I got broken down today. Again, I don't want to go into specifics. Let's just say I won't ever forget those words for as long as I live. Sometimes if a person knew who they were making a statement to they probably wouldn't say it. I know this person has no history on me, and really doesn't know the damage that it could possible cause. I have learned something so far in school that no meaning is fixed?
I could take whatever it was in two directions...
A. The person making the statement is trying to better me..
or
B. The person making the statement is dead on the nail..and what's the point of trying when I'm just going to prove them right?
Maybe the statement was made just so I could prove them wrong?
Which brings me back to you have to know who your talking to..
Sometimes things are better off unsaid.
*********************************************
Right now @ 10:06
I quite frankly could care less
About what happens to me
In this life before death
It wouldn't phase me @ the moment
If right now..
I was taking
My last breath
Because then I would be dead
And maybe
I can get a retake on life
Because in this one I failed
I don't comprehend
Yet, I always study
For every quiz and exam
Yet, I have a hard time
Trying to pass
An underachiever
Has been spotted out
By someone..
Who spots them the most
And they just proved
My theory correct
That my life is a curse
So right now @ 10:13
I wish I had a knife
To slash my veins
The only thing
I would overachieve at
Is being dead..
*****************************
I feel like being dark right now. I struggled to even put that piece of crap above together..I see myself hitting the other side of my polar. It's a whole lot of crap just piled on top of me right now, and I'm trying to juggle it. Right now though..I want to throw in the towel. I want to say F school, F work, F life, and I want to retreat to a life of sleeping. I may just do that for this week. I fought so hard to get back into school, and right now I don't care. I know this is probably my unbalance talking..but damnit if it remains unbalanced for too long I ain't got no choice but to fall. And that may make some people happy. Well just know they aren't happier than me.
I am straight though.I learned a loooong time ago in one of my psychology classes is that I have "all or none thinking"...meaning it is all one way or not.And usually when it's "not" I don't cope too well.. That is what I'm experiencing now..I feel like crap yes, but whatever happened today will either..
A. Motivate me to be the person I know I can be..
or
B. Add to the state of my deteriorating mind :)
Bad days...they all come..and they sure go..but they hardly every get forgotten.
Foia "F-w-aah"
About Me
- Foia
- I am a Mother, Teacher, Student, Model, Music lover, Eat all the time-r, and never gain any weight-er.. I am a poet, who doesn't follow the rules. I write my heart out literally. I will continue until my heart no longer has a beat. I love to read anything from Cosmo to Silvia Plath to *J. California Cooper*. I'm growing up, I don't want go to the club unless I'm working. *Go Cocktailers* I am a junior in college majoring in Communications/Journalism. I thought was going to teach, but then I realized I don't like to retain useless information.. I asst. teach at a Montessori school where I constantly catch colds. I love the kids though.Wit their bad asses! Back in the day I enjoyed long walks on the beach with my friends, but since I moved from Michigan to Atlanta where there is no beach at. All I can do is reminisce about stomping the sand from my flip flops as I walked into my mothers house. I don’t like math. In fact I loathe it. I was a Montessori child myself, and it made me that way. I am an advocate for mental health. Everyday I fight to break down the stigma. And I will keep going on and on because I love to write.
When I worked @ Motions Xmas time 07'
Check the boots..
10 comments:
I'm going to choose option (A) for you...
No matter what a person says or do, don't let it affect you, who cares if you prove then right or wrong, son't beat your self up about it, the only thing that matters is what you prove to you and babygirl, fuck the rest!
sending a big **hug** your way you deserve it! :)
ohhhh honey things are gonna be okay
take what one says about you with a grain of salt and keep it moving...
stop beating yourself up okay mami. you are betta than that!!!
pic yourself up and look at this like a lesson learned.....
you control your destiny... you hear me.....you do not anyone else....
and you aint gonna do nothing crazy. do i need to come down there mami???
things are gonna be okay, we all have felt like you have. the thing is not to stay down!!
love ya hon!!
Now you know better than this superstar, ups and downs come with the territory.
Nobody knows you better than you do, and what you can accomplish.
The sun always comes up the next day sweety you just have to be willing to wait for it.
You guys are ALL right.. 2 days later I'm fine. Ups and Downs and me reacting to them by freaking out is just a part of me. That's why I write. I get it out...and then I let it go..usually..
Thanks for the hugs luv!
D1- Come on...but you wouldn't be coming to save me!
Mike!! Aw how cute...callin me a superstar.. :)
This blog post left me speechless.
...
Keep your head up.
Handle it.
you are so silly,lol
yeah i wouldnt be coming to save you, i would be coming to make you feel betta!!
glad to see that your spirits are up.
one thing that i respect so much about you is that you write from your heart. dont lose that for no one!!!
I won't.. I promise
Glad your feeling better.
I see ive come and you've done come to and passed this stump in the road, but in dark times always lean, jump, dive towards the positives.. For fighting the very thing your (we're all) worth, is worth more than giving up and letting someone or something allow us to waste our accomplishments in barrack.obama.changing.the.view.of.the.world.time-through a speech time... you feel me.. Ya folks above say you got it going on. Like my nigga Doug E. Fresh likes to say boo- keep rising to the top!-Q.
Do you feel like your depressive episodes are caused by negative thinking or that they're inevitable, biological? It's something I can't pin down myself...
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