To Nafiza

One night, as my daughter slept and one of my favorite shows that isn't Greys Anatomy
was being ignored...Law and Order SVU. I was on my laptop google-ing "Bipolar" because I'm always interested in what is going on..new medications, news stories, ect. and I came upon your video. I watched it, and I choked. It was later confirmed by the Ryan Cameron interview with your boyfriend and sister that you have bipolar, and that you weren't on your medication. I knew it once the video was over. It hurt my feelings that no one helped you.*But you and I both know, that sometimes in those states it is hard to be helped, because "you" don't see anything wrong. I am from the ATL also, and just to let you know..you aren't the only one who "suffers" with this disease.

I say "suffer" because you don't have to "suffer" with bipolar. Unlike cancer, there is somewhat of a cure. Shawty, I know it is hard..but right now you have to open up, and swallow that shit. Opening up meaning: Searching deep with in to find out what makes you have mood swings. Searching deep and finding out what went wrong in your life, and how you can move past it.Finding the right therapist..I know it's expensive, but I know one of my professors who will do it for free.* He is a therapist/professor man* Finding people who understand..Maybe a support group. Psycho education *I hate that it's called psycho-ed* but it's nothing more than researching your "illness". It's going to be hard probably to find your "friends"..or who you think are your "friends"..around. Unless they truly care, they will vanish. *I have a few great friends* I love them. I am offering to be your friend, and help you through this.

Speaking of love, it is hard to find it in this world. It is often destroyed by words and actions that can never be forgiven or forgotten. It may be true that people will never forget you. But you have the final say in how they remember you. If I were you..I would come out with some type of statement..when you're ready whether it be youtube, or through a blog, news ect. I don't even know you my sistah, but I got mad love for you. I wish I could do math, because I would be a therapist..But since I'm not I'm willing to offer my support..and it's close..

Then you have to swallow your pills. If I never meet you, maybe some way you will read this letter, ask them to prescribe you Lamictal *seizure medicine/mood stabilizer* and Prozac/ or effexor. You need a mood stabilizer and depression meds to balance it out.They are the best, no real extreme side effects. And I know for a fact if the psychiatrist doesn't give a damn about you, they will give you the worst medication... Lithium, Risperdol,Depakote, Seroquel ect. So you have to find the right psychiatrist, and swallow the meds they prescribe. Til' this day I still don't want to believe that I have to take pills for the rest of my life, just to be normal,so I take it one day at a time. Enjoying the stability of my life when I take what's prescribed.

It's going to be okay. You will work through this..I've been video taped by someone who claimed they love me, and I broke their phone. Being taunted when you have to live with an illness that isn't shown any sympathy is hard to handle. People look at "us" like it's our faults. When in all actuality it's a combination of nature vs nuture. How the hell we grew up, and the genes we were given. Know that it's not your fault.I've had to learn not to let things get to me, to the point where I could be hospitilized/or in jail. You've probably done both recently, but you can bouce back. Know that. I know you're mad as hell. Probably at yourself, and probably at the world. There are people who support you...not only me.

I hope you take the chance to stand up and fight for "us". Don't let them think that's what we are all about. You are the poster child now for Bipolar. So if you want to, we should join up like super heroes and destroy the stigma.


I am here if you need me...

F G

badyellow@hotmail.com

Would leave my number but I'm afraid.