The New Guy In My Life..

Okay...


Today, started off a little bit frustrating to say the least. I don't like people who contradict themselves. If you preach about somebody doing one thing, and then you turn around and do the same thing..is very irritating to me. How can someone tell lies to their own self?


So nonetheless I had a therapist/the best shrink in the world apt...this morning..and I was running 5 to 7 minutes late as always and of course people down here can't drive. So I almost got killed a couple of times.


So I get there and my shrink is wayyyy late. I'm assuming she was dealing w/ a crisis, because she's never late. So I get in there and she wants to talk but they buzzed her for my 11:30 apt so she just asked me a couple of questions. She told me she was proud of me and how I'm handling things. Got refills.. And went to get the new guy to introduce me to my new therapist.


I stopped seeing my previous therapist. We sort of hit a brick wall so I decided to switch it up.

Just some back ground as to why I started therapy.. cuz maybe some people wonder.

Back in the 80's- but more of the 90's in Benton Harbor where I grew up there were a series of gruesome and grotesque murders that were totally random. As I child I lived in fear.


*When I was in the 3rd grade. Winter Break. My grandma was coming to spend the night w/ me and my mom. I had a desk in my room and she was moving it so we could fit a bed into my room for my grandma. As soon as she walked away a bullet came through the walkway where she put the desk. *I hid under our Christmas tree shivering while my grandma and my mom dealt with the police.** Should have been in therapy then but....


*When I was 13 some guys broke into my house *AGAIN OVER CHRISTMAS BREAK *that I knew from down the street* And I was home alone. My grandma lived one street over and I was on the phone with her scared to death. I screamed at them once they entered "what are you doing here" and they took off running.* THAT SHIT...MAN..HAD YA GIRL ON EDGE! I'm really not fond of the X mas holiday.


So I got into therapy after that because trauma had basically moved in w/ me. And was the worst roomate.

My first therapist Marla is obviously a woman because of her name. She was cool and had unconditional positive regard. She was in training so I imagine by now she is awesome.

Anyway my mom is all crazy..and wanted to ruin my teenage years and I was not having it. So we fought and fought until I got my way and she let me grow into BAM me. So by the age of 16 she let me do me..but before that you better believe she was trying to make the courts deem me incorrigible...because she beat me one day yall so bad..that I did the ultimate no no. I hit her back.. And we fought and we fought..and she called the police...and they took me away in front of my whole block....So then nothing happened but making me go to another therapist.

I don't remember her name. But I remember that she was a young pretty white girl. Not that race matters but I figured I would give you guys and image. I didn't see her long..

Then...I grew up *so I thought @ 16* But me and my best friend K.K..got control. Partied Partied Partied non stop in high school. I had the time of my life. Went to college. Mellowed out. Dropped out. Got engaged. Had a baby..Lost it..and now I have to deal with this volatile relationship that is between me and baby girls father.

So therapy again..

Kat. She is wonderful. We were having too much fun though. I couldn't really get to my issues that I want to figure out about men.

She suggested last year that I see this therapist who is a older man...She told me he was cool and that I would probably like him. I do. I approve.

I just got this new fly Andy Warhol bag. Yellow w/ Elvis on it. He noted it. I was like wow..this old guy is hip. Anyway so we talked and talked non stop for a hour. He told me that I'm very intelligent and it seems like I'm dealing w/ things well. He told me the reason why I attract older professional guys is because they see beauty and intelligence. I still refuse to believe that I am beautiful. I know on the inside yes. But outwardly..eh?
I know that I am really smart. I also know I can't or do not posses the ability to do extremely stupid hard math. Who actually made that stuff up?

Of course we tried to figure my mom out. We decided she was traumatized too..and if you don't deal with things properly they manifest into other things. He said it sounds like because of what happened to her that she wants things to appear perfect that's why she points out things that are apparently wrong with others. He said it sounds like she has gen. anxiety disorder.

So yeah...I approve of new therapist dude... very thorough. He's the new guy in my life.