One Bad Bipolar Beauty..ahhhh ya'll thought I was gonna say Bitch!

So... Today was the first day of school. And OMG!! I don't think I've been stressed out by kids like this before. I've opened a can of worms. On my resume from a looonnngg time ago had that my major was special ed. Which it was..like umpteen years ago..lol. But not anymore! So when I was hired the director was excited that I had experience *I worked @ a special needs school before* and then was when I decided this ain't for me. She told me she had two special needs children. Ya'll when I get there..I spot about 6. I get there at nap time, and the special kids are running around. Turning on the water. Eating stuff that isn't edible. They wouldn't be still for nothing. Then trying to get them up for nap and having them sit on the circle was a task. It's like they don't understand. One little girl won't talk. I was trying to work with her, but it was hopeless for today. So after snack most of the kids clear out. Guess who I'm left with. About 8 boys..And half of them are on a space ship headed to a different planet. I'm like damnit. One kid is screaming *is special* about how he wants his mom. An autistic little boy *who's parents refuse to believe that anything is wrong w/ him..they think he'll grow out of it* It's not going to happen. I have no idea what to do w/ boys. Like I said I think they are innately bad, and born with attention spans of ants.

Then my job..they are breaking so many codes. They don't wash the sheets after nap time. EW. They don't have hot water. EW. I saw a teacher breaking hot dogs in half w/ her hands. No gloves. @ my old job we washed the sheets and blankets everyday, but I thought it was gross that we didn't wipe the mats down everyday.

I don't know.. baby girl won't be eating / drinking anything from there when and if she goes. She will have her own sleeping bag probably. She won't be sleeping on another kids germs and skin cells.

Other than me having no materials to do projects with, and I'm dealing with bored kids because they have no resources. Everything is great!

Pray for me and the speds'...

Aye...do ya'll remember any games that we used to play as kids..other than simon says, mother may I, red light green light, musical chairs? Ya'll got any suggestions?

Anyway.. Here we go..what I do best..

I am dizzy

Sometimes I miss a dose

Of you..the cure

I'm all screwed up

.....I'm lost

I'm tired of

Ingesting you into my stream

But if I don't

I'll turn from blue to green

And if I am green

And not blue

Then I'm dead..fa sho

My balance is on track

As you dissolve

Heading immediately to my brain

How can I possibly fall

When you are here

.....Doing your job

"Fixing me"

Just as long as I swallow you

With water every day

I'm cool..

I've felt it for myself

I refused to believe

In the beginning

Of my bipolar journey

What Dr. A said

That it would stop raining

One day..

And I would be able to

Soak in the sun rays

And experience true..happiness

She said positively

With a smile upon her face

She is right

I've felt it

And it is just what she said

Dryer..no longer wet

It sometimes drizzles, still

But that's why I work on myself

So much..

So I'll have the proper tools

To go along with my skills..

That I've acquired

To whether..another cliche'

another..storm

I don't hear voices

I don't start fights

Over random beef

With stupid girls

Who dream to be me

Even though I'm supposedly "crazy"

I never converse

With myself

I do not see shit

And I wear panties

In public

I keep my legs close

When I wear dresses and skirts

If I don't cover her up

She might catch a cold

I am not psychotic

I am only 3/4 of the way gone

.......If that..

I get happy..

Then I'm sad..

Depression is the worst

It hurts..

It hurts..

It hurts..

Bad..

I panic

I am anxious

This is the hardest to control

Because if you can't hide it

Damnit..it's bound to show

I'll cry..

When normally I hold it

......Deep deep inside

Of course..I explode

At totally inappropriate times

Dumping a very very heavy load

Tears dripping down my face

Turing my eyes blood shot red

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Freedom

Of

Information

Act

Is what Foia stands for

I ain't got nothing to do

With the government

But I tell it like it is

Uncensored

Like it or not

I got a hott mouth

To go along

W/ my bad body

I got my head on my shoulders

I wish one would

Try to knock

Off my block

I'll take my pistol

I'm about to

Get a permit for

Out my purse

And pop you off

That's the gansta girl

Coming out in me

Benny Ha Ha

Went through hood training

Now I'm a beast

And if you keep on playing

I will give you..

A special little treat

A gift from my best friend

Who I call heat..

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I got jumped into a gang

In the 3rd grade

We didn't know nothing

About being G's

Except our color was blue

And we rep'd

The 6 point star

Our enemies

Were the vice lords

Who rep'd red

We were advised

To aim at their heads

With what guns

I don't know

They were imaginary

Invisible air

That's what happens

When little ones

Hang w/ older kids

Get into some other shit

That they've seen done

Thinking its alright

To pass on..

I know now

We couldn't have been serious

We had no artillery

We had no guns

How could we possibly

Get shit popped off?

We couldn't..even if we'd have tried

Absolutely not..

I was a child..

I still claim

To be a G

Just not in the streets

But in the poetry game

I'm a killer

I love the color blue

And that's a pretty star

But my third grade gang experience

Will be something I always look back at

And laugh..at that shit

Forever..hahahahahah..

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