It is 3:18 in the morning, and I am wide awake. I’ve tried everything to try and fall asleep; watching tv, taking a shower, touching myself, eating left over Chinese food, reading. Nothing is working, and I know I am going to be cranky tomorrow. I have this strong desire to call in, but I hope I can get some sleep. I have stuff to do tomorrow. This whole weekend I have been lazy. Saturday my daughter was with her dad, and I spent the entire day in the dark in my room, typing on the computer. I didn’t even eat until 9:00 Saturday night. My serotonin or something is depleted, and boy do I feel it. I can’t find my meds, I think I left them at work in my Andy Warhol bag. *I hope* So yeah I can finally admit to myself that I feel sooooo much better when I take them. My bp is mostly depressive states. And when I take what I’m prescribed I return to how I am suppose to be naturally. A very bubbly outgoing person, but this ish right here..I hate it. If I can’t find it tomorrow at work, then I’m going to have to leave early to go to the pharmacy. I am committed to doing the right thing. People are counting on me..and I have shit to accomplish in life, and I won’t be able to if I’m bouncing back and fourth from sad to happy.
Is it hard not to judge?
A person in a wheelchair
Or a person who
Can’t walk w/ out crutches
But when you talk about MI
It’s a whole different subject
Because some of us
“Appear” not to be afflicted
Just walking around earth
Tick, Tick, Ticking
As “they” see us
We’re fragile as water balloons
Waiting to bust
You may not know it
But in the world
There’s a lot of us
And we know it
You judge
How would you put
Them in order
From not so bad
To mild
To worst case scenario
DID
ADHD
Depression
Anxiety
OCD
Dementia
Schizophrenia
Bipolar
Borderline Personality
I would love to know
That one day
Someone will love me
Even if I have multiple
Illnesses listed above
Because I might be crazy
But I don't judge
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2 comments:
okay i was reading your poem and i glanced @ how you teach @ a mont. school. cool, my two daughters once attended said school. i was impressed @ how they allow children to truly learn.
nice poem, as usual. you are very raw and personal with your emotions. love that ish.
again hon, dont beat yoself up u trying so have faith and give it time
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